Poetry / Quiet moments

I like the premise but I have a few suggestions to tighten it up.

1. Are like a shell on the beach…I would change to “Are like shells on the beach.”
2. Something to be savored … I would change to “Something savored.”
3. For just as quickly as it is left … I would change to “Just as quickly as it is gone.”
4. I would leave out For our pleasure unless you add an additional line.

5. I would switch the last two lines … By the waves in our life, it can be carried away.

THESE ARE JUST SUGGESTIONS, AS I SAID I LIKE THE PREMISE.

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October 14, 2008

by apb148

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Thank you for your comment.  I happen to agree with what you said, and will be editing it once I’m finished with my current project.
thank you, allen

October 14, 2008

by sagittarius1212

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You are most welcome.

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I think the seed of this poem is the shell and you need to describe what it looks like. Answer, why the shell is importnat to you.

Your poem is very general. Yes you have feelings wrapped up, but let us see the beauty, the food that is savored.

Give us some imagery of the waves breaking.

Blessings.