Poetry / High Fructose Porn Syrup

if I could only crawl into my

brain and claw mnemonic phrases

pain inducing trance colliding

trains on tracks to waves that lead

in all diversions

(ways, and wey, and curd, and Kurds,

Colonel Sanders' burning flag;

Olympic torches, porous porch meanderings,

rings of fire, Cash.)

| down memory lane |

the rickety wood that splinters, splashes

you unto my breakfast plate

Eggs (green) and

Bacon (Canadian)

lead to you on esoteric

paths, (the high, the low road)

both know

lows and highs

indirect but always reaching

their destination

my conductor hat is shading

my eyes, beady (Betty Davis?)

days without you make me

nervous

non-conformist municipal patron

grand funk station, stationary

dead canary yellows pulsate

through your mind

I want to burn you

smoke the pitch and

exhale

(blow you out the window)

(pitch you out) like used up tissues

but your cinders burn my tissues

through the sinew

resolution of this issue

hinges on your expulsion

repulsion fills the calcium

the holes within my bones

every little crevice of my tiny spirit's home

grown I'll let you out

(outgrow you)

and you won't hear me

poltergeists can only flourish

where the current flows

(where the red fern grows)

and to the south and to the north

and east of it and west of it

there's only rest

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Reviews

October 05, 2008

Johnsienoel

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
496	90.1% (242 votes)	24.9%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
39	F	United States	November 23

Johnsienoel reviewed Version 3 - Read 100% of the Item

hey spiffy -
I like the edits but now find that this line feels too long and out of place. It also really wacks out the meter.
(ways, and wey, and curd, and Kurds, and Colonel Sanders’ burning flag; Olympic torches, pouros porch meandering-rings- of-fire, Cash.) The other (sound bites) peppered within the remaining verses are logical and brief so do not feel dissociative.

expultion? = expulsion

add/view comments (1)

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
47	74.1% (27 votes)	16.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	M	Minneapolis, MN	November 02

September 27, 2008

Johnsienoel

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
496	90.1% (242 votes)	24.9%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
39	F	United States	November 23

Johnsienoel reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

Spiffy –
You have a very raw and original talent. This poem far exceeds my original post. It has wonderful, rhythm and flow. I could almost hear the train pulsing its course. The pathos you convey is palpable. I read through several times to see if I could come up with a single polishing point and I find none. Great job.
-J