Poetry / My Love (Analysis)

Okay, where does it go from here?  Are we talking about her face cheek or her other cheek?  Or is the question part of the point?  I love the visual of your love.  That could be me, ha!  I’m kind of left hanging, though.  And the word “infinitely” falls short.  Adjetives always leave the reader in charge of creating the visual, and I guess I was feeling lazy here.  Going alone, enjoying being told how your love was and then…infinitely.  Damn.  I didn’t want to think today.  What does infinitely mean to me…I was kind of hoping you could tell me what it meant in reference to this cheek, but…

What a great soft moment to share.  Thanks.  I enjoyed it.

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October 16, 2008

by anonymous

Thank you for the review. This is the second time someone told me they didn’t agree w/that word. I’ll try something else.

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I really like this. It conveys some pretty strong emotions for such a short piece. Nice comparisons.

Two observations:
The caps at the beginning of each line tend to detract from the softness of the poem.
“infinitely” feels oddly out of place; too sophisticated? high-brow? How about simply, “With her soft cheek…”

Very nice.
9

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October 08, 2008

by anonymous

Tank you. I think you may be right about the caps.

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It is sweet and identifiable but I don’t think it would stand out in a crowd of thousands.

A good job is done of tellin the reader ‘my love’ but it lacks a piercing depth of emotional connectivity to show the reader what that means.  It lacks the oomph that makes the reader sigh and wish for something similar.

Telling lines:
doesn’t wear
boots, lip gloss, silk or satin
cotton, flannel

The last four lines evoke more emotion in a simplistic manner – the gentleness of the simpliest things which is nice.

I think you could lengthen this to convey why those ‘telling’ lines are important or not important and how they do/don’t impact the love.

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October 08, 2008

by anonymous

Thank you.

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spare and cute.  i like it.  

a couple minor suggestions:

“It’s cotton and flannel” is a nice line, but to be picky, I think flannel is made from both wool and cotton.  bah.  never mind.  it’s good.

“infinitely soft cheek”—also nice but i didn’t like “infinitely.”  it’s not tangible. to me.  how about another material, to match the cotton and flannel, silk and satin?  Velvet soft cheek?  mabye?  not not.  it’s your poem.

but overall, me likey.  well done.  

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October 08, 2008

by anonymous

I have to laugh at myself – flannel is primarily either wool or cotton. You make nice points – thank you for taking the time to read and respond.

October 08, 2008

by Marvin

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
391	91.6% (214 votes)	65.5%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
31	M	United States	November 23

no problem.  

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This is a nice poem that would look well with two stzs. after 3rd line.

My take, what I saw reading this: You set up a great juxtapostion/contrast between a porn star and a woman who’d offer her soft cheek instead of a sterile encounter.

Satin and flannel are near rhymes but there isn’t much else as far as imagery or cadence.

I think this may be one of several drafts but just doens’t have the boost of imagery.

I understand the contentment of a more homey relationship but you don’t tell us why this is important to you.

Keep working. bravo.

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October 06, 2008

by anonymous

Thank you for the input.

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