I will spill onto the canvas, some colored words for you…be patient o’kind one.
Poetry / Primary Colors
Blue is not the sadness or sorrow it's made out to be
It is of a calm, beautiful sky or raging sea
Red is not the anger, or hot, devils' flames
It is the colour of lifes' energy
Which runs through all our veins
Yellow is what yellow is
And you may ask: "What is that?"
The warmth of sun on a summer's day
Simply the warmth that melts butter fat!
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gbaurbis reviewed Version 1 -
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This is an exciting poem if you keep the tense and narration as one
“Is not,” is passive, but if you were to start with what blue is, for example: Blue is calm a ragin sea.
Along with red and yellow, “red runs through our veins.” ... Yellow melts butter.
I would like to see an imagery of blue and red as you describe yellow, “melted butter.
The theme? Not sure because I think you could construct another stanza telling us what is.
Bravo.
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jadedpoet reviewed Version 1 -
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Hi there,
Good to have you back after your long move. Hope you’re all settled it. You are writing again so you must be. Refering to this piece, hmmmm, loved the red and blue, unsure about yellow. What I really would have liked, especially knowing the depth of your boundless talents, is to see it carry on to include and describe more colours. I can only imagine what you would ‘see’. Nice job though. me…
Curtastrophe reviewed Version 1 -
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With respect, the bold and italicized lettering took away more than it added to the piece.
What I liked about it was the challenging of popular perceptional mood colors and the spinning of them into natural and biological themes.
Juxtaposing of calm/raging was good.
devils’ / devil’s flames—Unless of course, the poem refers to multiple devils and not The.
lifes’ / life’s
I’d humbly suggest cutting “which”
...energy
Running through…
Perhaps, “melts butter fast”?
Criticisms aside, it was a better than decent poem. Iron it out a little and then send it off to the art mags.
-Curt
GreenIguana reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the idea of the poem…getting away from abstractions and back to the natural world and its beauty. At least that’s what I think this is about…I think you could do more with this. Although it’s true there are only three primary colors, you could change the title and add more colors.
As for wording: I suggest deleting “the” from “Red is not the anger” (unnecessary)
“life’s” not “lifes’”
Marvin reviewed Version 1 -
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“Which runs through all our veins”—i’d chop “all.” but it’s up to you.
“Yellow is what yellow is”—this line slowed me up and i can’t put my finger on why. something about the delivery landed odd for me. is there another way you could convey this line?
Overall, tight, colorful (ha ha), lovely poem.
simple structure and imagery. very enjoyable. thank you.
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