Children's / The Gold Coin (Analysis)

There once was a little girl who never saw a perfect rainbow. She would sit at the window and look out in hopes to see one. All the other boys and girls would be sad when it rained. But not her, she loved it. Hoping for a chance to see the beautiful colors, one after another stretched straight across the sky. Looking for the begining so she could follow it to the end. For that she heard there was a pot of gold.

On one bright and sunny day it began to drizzle. She got so excited. The rain was coming down hard now. She skipped to her swing. As she was swinging the rain stoped. This was her chance. She started looking for the rainbow with a heart full of hope. As she took a glance over her shoulder, her eyes grew with such amazement. She stood up and looked right at it.

There it was, so beautiful and such warmth. She smiled from ear to ear. She then raced to what she believed was the end of this band of color. Not knowing if the story was ture about the pot of gold but she wanted to see for herself.

Suddenly she stops. Her heart skips a beat. What should she do because right before her eyes was that pot of gold. How long is this gonna last she thought. So shiney, all she could do was stare. Should I just stand here and gaze or do i go and touch it before it fades. She stood there for a brief momment. Out of know where she dashes over to it. She digs her hands in the pot and raises them up letting the gold coins fall threw her fingers. Her yurning for this rainbow and pot of gold had now been full-filled. This was the best day of her life she thought.

Then suddenly the pot began to fade. Fearing she would never see anything like this again she quickly grabbed a gold coin. As the pot disappeared she realized the gold coin had not.
She smiled and put the coin in her pocket. She didnt want anyone to know about this. She ran as fast as she could all the way home. She ran the fastest shes ever ran. When she got home she let out a sigh of relief. She made it. Nobody saw her. She went straight to her room and closed the door. She grabbed her favorite scarf and pulled the gold coin out of her pocket. She then wrapped it in her scarf and put it in her heart shaped box. Now her life was complete. Now she can move on to look for other things. That day was a great day.

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Reviews

October 12, 2008

michforoffice

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
39	82.4% (17 votes)	42.3%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Baytown, TX	October 20

michforoffice reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I loved your idea and your images. I thought it was a very special story. You have some problems with tense and punctuation, and if you fixed those things it would read easier and be more presentable for publication, in my opinion. I really liked ‘heart full of hope’. It’s a simple sentence, but I just think it worked well. Thanks for sharing it with me!