Haiku/Senryu / i am god am i (Analysis)
mating flies on glass,
end to end, they end their lives
crushed beneath my thumb
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Doctor_Rat reviewed Version 1 -
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Another fine haiku from a master of the art. The only tiny improvement might be to find an alternative to the third ‘end’ in line 2 [maybe one too many? though it has a punnish element as it stands].
But it is such a tight, tidy, powerful little poem that I really wouldn’t want to tinker too much.
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