Query Letter / After Winter
447 Saddletree Lane
Lincoln, AL 35096
September 24, 2008
LJK Literary Management
Via Urbis website
Dear Mr. Jud Laghi,
My name is Linda K. Robinson and I became an avid reader as soon as I could read the words, “See Spot Run.” The title of the story is “After Winter” but that’s a tentative title.
This is a story about a woman named Annalie Davis whose sole career was the raising of her children. The children grow up and move on with their lives as children do. They were her careers and now that they are gone she falls into a deep suicidal depression because she feels like she has no purpose and her life is empty. She has been married to the same man for the last twenty-five years. She tries to commit suicide in the first chapter but in doing so she saved by a very unlikely character.
It’s an abused American Pitt Bull Terrier that had lost its ability and will to fight any longer. Copper had been tossed into a raging creek that runs through Annalie and Paul’s property. Copper helps Annalie find her back to her a family and to her true self. They end up saving each other.
There are many women out there that feel this way. These women make their children their career and they forget the career ends. The children are gone, there slamming doors in the summer, no muddy footprints from a winter rain and the emptiness without those sounds can be deafening. It’s a story about hope, living, loving and finding the laughter in life.
I believe this story could be made into a movie for Lifetime, Hallmark or ABC Family. It would be easily marketed on The Rachel Ray Show. She owns a Pitt Bull Terrier. Also I would like for part of the sales to go to Animal Rescue for these types of dogs and for their rehabilitation
I am a non-published writer. I own a Pitt-Rott Mix named Bella. I have two wonderful sons and have been married to the same man for the last twenty-one years. It has been a roller coaster side full of love, laughter and tears. And I look forward to the next twenty or so years.
Attached is the first chapter of After Winter.
I would be happy to have your representation. This is a unfinished manuscript that I've just started. If you are interested please contact me at home 205-763-0335 or my e-mail cinna_bella@yahoo.com.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Linda K. Robinson
After Winter
Chapter One
The fallen snow from the night before sparkled like diamonds in
themorning sunlight as the sun slowly crept across the valley floor. This very
scene shouldhave taken Annalie’s breath away by its soothing serenity she
didn’t see it orfeel any emotions such as peace, joy and contentment that the
picturesqueview should have invoked. She should feel something other than
this sense of nothingness.
Annalie could hear her husband Paul moving around upstairs getting
dressed for work. She knew she should move or do something so he
wouldn’t be worried about her throughout his work day. He had enough to
deal with being the sheriff of the small town of Pine Hill, Montana.
She turned her head slowly around to look at the kitchen table to make sure
she had his coffee thermos filled and ready to go along with his favorite
blueberry muffin, that way he wouldn’t be delayed getting out the door to go to
work. Also that would keep him from asking questions about how she was
feeling. She turned and stared vacantly out the frost-tipped window as Paul
began to make his way down the stairs.
Annalie felt a sudden flash of anger at the very thought of having to explain
to Paul the emotions that she was dealing with. The feeling of monotony that
filled her days of endless sweeping, mopping, dusting, laundry and cooking
were just too much to bare at times. The sad thing about it was that at one
time she used to love to cook. She felt like she had no purpose in life
anymore.
Right before she had gotten married and pregnant with the twins she had
been studying to be a veterinarian technician. She loved animals and hated to
see them in pain. The only thing that had been left for her to do was clinical
portions and then she would have had her degree.
But they both had agreed and had wanted to give the twins a traditional
home life. That was when the twins where first born, then they had gotten
older their needs had changed from night feeds, changing diapers to needing
help with homework, sports and play practices. That had been what had filled
up her days and nights. She had loved every minute of it and missed it terribly.
As the years had gone by, they had grown into young men who had went to
college and moved out and on with their lives. All this was the natural order of
things but it had left a huge void in her life and now her days were filled with
an emptiness that reached to her very core.
Annalie had tried to explain these feelings to Paul but he didn’t seem to
understand. He had told her that she wasn’t alone and that he would always
be there for her. Still it didn’t take away that fact that she was tired of feeling
this way or at times not feeling anything at all. She truly didn’t know how much
longer she could keep on living. No wait, she thought this isn’t living it was
existing and she was so tired of just existing. Sometimes she was tempted
with the desire to just end it all.
Paul came into the kitchen tugging on his jacket as he came through the
doorway. He looked at his wife of twenty-five years with concern taking in her
bare feet on the cold tile floor, the tattered old flannel robe she wore and the
way her arms hung down listlessly at her sides causing her shoulders to
slump slightly forward. He wanted to take her in his arms and pull her close to
his heart then ask her how she felt but he didn’t because if he did she would
become offended and very agitated.
How he missed the days when Annalie would have had breakfast laid out
on the table with the works, there had been eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy
but the thing he missed the most was the bright, happy smile that had been
on her face. That smile had lite up his mornings along with Danny and Doug’s
laughter as they had teased Annalie with their plans on how they were going
to trick the teachers.
Paul walked over to Annalie and kissed her on the side of her temple
whispering, “I love you and have a good day.” He knew this would annoy her to
no end but he just wanted her to know that he loved her now just by saying the
words but by touching her as well.
He heard the loud honking of a truck horn outside letting him know that
Buddy was there to pick him up since his squad truck was at Mickey’s Garage
getting new all terrain tires put on. He glanced back one last time at Annalie’s
despondent form as he headed out the door somehow feeling that he should
stay home and let Buddy fill in for him and spend the day with her. Paul knew
he would be worried all day until he saw her again at the end of his day.
Sometimes he was afraid of what he might find when he got home. He always
sighed with great relief when he walked into the house and sees Annalie
curled on the couch with a cup of tea watching t.v. or reading. He gently pulled
the door closed behind him as he headed out to the waiting truck.
Annalie continued to stare vacantly out the frost-tipped window. She
suddenly felt the hem of her robe flutter softly against her ankles. She turned
slowly around to see what was causing the cold air to drift into the kitchen.
The kitchen door had been cracked open by the wind pushing against it. Paul
must not have pulled the door closed all the way Annalie thought smiling
sadly to herself as she shuffled over to the door to close it. As she places her
hand onto the doorknob, she went still as she looked out over the fallen virgin
snow as it lay in all its unmarred perfection before her.
Softly as snow falling on a winter night the thought came wisping around
the edges of her mind until it became as solid as a chunk of ice. Of just how
easy it would be to just walk out the kitchen door and disappear in the
glittering landscape. It would be an easy death no one would find her until it
was to late she thought calmly.
Annalie tentatively took one step forward not even feeling the cold against
her feet as they were already chilled form being bare on the tile floor. Then
she took another step, then another and another until she was running across
the valley floor, her flannel robe fluttering out behind her like the tattered wings
of death.
Blindly she ran not caring where she ended up pushing herself harder and
harder until the only sound she heard was the harsh sound of her breathing
and the wind whistling past her ears as she ran.
Suddenly Annalie tripped over a tree branch hidden under the snow. She
tumbled forward falling head over heels down the steep side of the creek bed.
Finally coming to a hard stop as her body hit a small boulder at the edge of
the swift running water of the creek.
She laid there as pain radiated throughout her body with her chest heaving
as she struggled to breathe as she shivered as the water began to slowly
seep through her thin pajamas to her skin. As her breathing became less
labored, she heard a soft whine coming from the edge of the creek. Annalie
thought she must be hearing things then there it was again but this time it
was louder.
Annalie struggled to focus on the direction the whining was coming from
but it was hard to see through the muddy strands of hair that impaired her
vision. She slowly wiped the hair from her eyes. But instead of her hand
feeling cold and wet it felt warm and sticky she slowly brought her hand in
front of her eyes trying very hard to focus. As she brought her hand closer to
her face, she caught the metallic smell of blood then she saw that her
fingertips were stained bright red with her blood.
Oh, my god! What had she done? Annalie thought in horror as her vision
blurred and the last sound she heard was a bone chilling howl as she
slipped into unconsciousness.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 355 word review has not been unlocked.
I really like the concept of this story and found myself getting more and more into it as I read along. I’ll start with the Query letter. I’m no query expert but I think that there are a few things you can leave out in your query such as “There are many women out there that feel this way. These women make their children their career and they forget the career ends. The children are gone, there slamming doors in the summer, no muddy footprints from a winter rain and the emptiness without those sounds can be deafening.” Also, you want to definitely check for grammatical errors in your query as well.
I think your story flows well but again, check some of the grammatical errors. I believe I noticed a couple of words transposed as one. This paragraph: “She laid there as pain radiated throughout her body with her chest heaving
as she struggled to breathe as she shivered as the water began to slowly
seep through her thin pajamas to her skin.” I think can be re-worked and written better. I think you say the word as too many times and it doesn’t flow :)
I’m interested in reading more; I really need to know how the dog is going to save her!!!
- add/view comments (1)
Showing 1 - 2 of 2
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
| Version 2 |
| Version 1 |