Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / Diary of a Wannabe - part 4
Scene: The District Council Recycling Centre. London/Essex borders
DAVE: Oi John! Yer got a minute?
JOHN: Wassup?
DAVE: It's always the last fuckin' one.
JOHN: Wot?
DAVE: Sum bastard's left this freezer full o' stuff. And the pickup's due any minute.
JOHN: They prob’ly used it to stick all their ol' crap in then coot'n be arsed to empty it.
DAVE: I woot'n mind so much but I carn' op'n it.
JOHN: Don't fuck abaht!
DAVE: I carn't! it's stuck or summink! It’s jammed or glued or summink. All rahnd the door.
JOHN: Don’t be stupid! Give it 'ere! .... It's stuck!
DAVE: I know tha' dunnaye. You got a crowbar in the office?
JOHN: Yeah! I’ll geddit!
Scene: The District Council Offices.
The ‘phone rings.
JOHN: ‘Ello Julia. Is Morrison in?
JULIA: One moment...... Mr Morrison? It’s John from the recycling centre. Are you in?
MORRISON: Christ! Julia. It’s nearly a quarter to. I told Sarah I’d get home early. What does he want?
JULIA: I don’t know.
MORRISON: Tell him I’ve gone. It’ll wait until tomorrow.
JULIA: Hello John? I’m sorry Mr. Morrison’s just left. Can I help? Or take a message?...........Mr Morrison? He says I can’t help. I can’t take a message either. He wants to talk to Mr Trent. What should I do?
MORRISON: Oh Bugger! I can’t have him talking to Trent if I don’t know what it’s about. Put him through.
JULIA: Hello John? I thought Mr Morrison had left for the evening but he’s just walked back in. He must have forgotten his umbrella or something. I’ll just put you through.
MORRISON: Yes, John........The CCTV at the dump? Does it have film in? Of course it doesn’t! Do you think we’ve got the budget to put film in the cameras at the dump? Why?.........What do you mean? Who won’t be happy?..........The police? What are the police doing there?.........You’ve found what? In a freezer? At the dump?...........Julia. Get me Mr Trent.
JULIA: Hello Janice? Is Mr Trent in? Mr Morrison wants to speak with him.
JANICE: Mr Trent. Are you in? It’s Mr Morrison…
Scene: The District Council Recycling Centre Office.
JOHN: Ere. Drink this.
DAVE: Christ John! I’ve never seen nuffink like it. What d’yer fink ‘e did to ‘er?
JOHN: Gawd knows! It’d be easier to say wot ‘e ditten do to ‘er!
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Tony, who is Trent? If he is an officer or a captian you need to identfy him.
I don’t understand about the different offices of the District council. That’s probably my own fault.
The content is excellent. One has to go back over the dalogue to identify who is who but this is typical. I am a careful reader. I don’t see a problem understanding it. I love the language. It gives the piece a jack-the Ripper feel and reeks sinister In whole, the work is a dark but has a bit of satire to cut the tension. This is a trick seasoned writers use to give their readers a respite from the violence. I have read many books on killers: Jack the Ripper, the Zodiac, Gacy, Dalmher. Usually serial killers have leave a calling card or an modus oprehendi, not sure it’s spelled right. This means one thing is consistent in all the murders. Many psychologists think this is done to set the killer apart from his fellow killers, if you will. Ironically, the MO is usually what gets them caught. I want to see more of where this is going before i fully comment. Right noe, i am completely engrossed in it. Sandi
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Well, you are correct, part four here is a mess. I would have stuck to you original format. Adding in these conversations mean something but unless I am a dimwit who is entirely possible I don’t recall a freezer ever coming into the picture, just bathtub bodies in plastic then out to the well. Then others simply driven to the farm and oops, down the well they went. You had such wonderful flow going so fix this part please, for the reader’s sake. Fill me in here so it all blends together please…
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