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Poetry / Welcome to the Planet Disaster (Analysis)
How blind are we the human race, we run around eyes closed, pushing negativity in each others face.
We cry when we're happy, and shout when we're sad, so confused, yet trained like animals, following the commands of "devils".
So afraid of the "end". Fighting for life, yet consuming every poison that pushes us closer to death. It's sick how brainwashed we all are.
We know right is right, and wrong is wrong. Instead of up we go down, down doesn't take half as long. We sleep to rest, and never just to dream, who needs dreams anymore?
No longer do we push ourselves to go on, pushing someone else down is an easier way to disguise envy, for strength. It's disgusting how we make ourselves believe that we need instead of want, and how we want what we really don't need.
We all know the "rules", we know we shouldn't lie, yet no one can be true, to oneself, or to others, and that the only way to survive is to deceive. Because everyone wants to come in first place, how wrong are we to think this life is a race?
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jedward reviewed Version 1 -
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Kaabii203 reviewed Version 1 -
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SoulSubstance reviewed Version 1 -
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I became really enthralled with this while reading it. It’s funny, because I’ve never heard these thoughts put into words. I’ve thought on this plane for a few years now, striving to “push” myself into life, instead of running away from it, connecting with people and living true to my emotions. I used to run away if I wanted to cry, and do it somewhere alone, more hurt and less alive than I would be around the people I feel something for. Now I confront the person, and if need be, I cry for them and feel their presence. I’m no longer afraid to be connected. I was at one point very isolated..
Another idea you brought up I could really identify with, in the third line. We are afraid of the end… yet we push ourselves closer to it! What is that about humanity? You’ve really struck a chord here with some of these ideas, and I feel your writing can grow stronger if you keep tapping into these ideas. Best of luck to you
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BlueDemoness reviewed Version 1 -
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I love the examination of human behaviour stated with conviction and emotion nicely shaped into a poem. Good work.
jadedpoet reviewed Version 1 -
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Hi there!
Your words, your passion come thru loud and crystal clear. I loved the passionate drive behind this. I have written a similar piece about poeple wasting away their lives so foolishly and you have done so very well. You have described the virtue of EGO, the curse of mankind, for it will cause his demise. Very nice work here, loved it! me…
smash54 reviewed Version 1 -
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True words, my friend! This brings home some great points about how we are in the world today. Sad, but true. As for suggestions, I really don’t have any. I won’t waste your credits other than to say that I enjoyed this very much.
apb148 reviewed Version 1 -
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This piece works as a commentary, and a very good one. It sounds like you have a point to express, and you have done so. Keep it up.
As a poem, however, I don’t think it works. There doesn’t seem to be a clear meter or rhythm. you have succeeded in telling me how you feel, “How blind are we the human race”, “how wrong are we to think this life is a race?”, but you didn’t make me feel what you feel, and to me that’s what poetry means. This piece is well written, and thought out. I think it can be published, but not as a poem.
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