Flash Fiction / Imitate A Girl
Should it be my mother with her antiseptic kitchen, my older sister with her 1940’s marriage, my younger sister with her long legs and her crew team; my frumpy catholic school principle, spit coming out of her mouth when she’s mad; my AAU basketball coach with her cropped hair and the way she talks about Division-I sports and all those lesbians; my Girl Scout troop leader, who put so much energy into thin mints and thinner sentiment; or Hilary Swank, playing karate kids, uncrying boys, and a boxer that never gives up until everyone knows she’ll give up; Oprah, building rape schools in the Congo; Sarah Palin, so put together and always saying what she’s supposed to say; or maybe Demi Moore, who proved trophy wives could divorce and obtain trophy husbands; or maybe my mother, who paid the bills but not the taxes, or my older sister who fell in love with who she wanted, or my younger sister, with her long legs and the way she’d paint her eyelashes; or the helicopter pilot that was the first female casualty in that desert; or Rosie the Riveter from the WWII advertisements, with the bandanna, the pipe wrench, and pit stains; Betty Boop; Jessica Rabbit; or She-Ra, who – dressing the part – surrounded herself with beasts and men; how about that lady in the car next to mine, smoking a cigarette and wearing scrubs, her stethoscope twisted from the rearview mirror; the Pi-Delt, who was set up with her roommate’s boyfriend’s coworker, the one that matched her heels; or my mother, who was a teacher aid for thirty years despite having her masters degree, or my older sister, who always studied so hard, or my younger sister, who had everything go her way despite never preparing for anything; or Marilyn Monroe, who had so many faces; or Betty Page, who redefined how men could crave; or that one I passed on my way to the store, working for the city, holding the Stop/Slow sign as the crew hammered their sledge hammers behind her; or the one who wrestled as a lightweight in high school – and had a winning record; or the one who played field hockey until she didn’t anymore; or the one who threw the shot put for gold, with legs for arms; or the one who shaved her armpits because, and shaved her legs because, and bleached the down above her lip because; or the one from the magazine rack, with the quarterback boyfriend; or the one from the TV show, with the quarterback boyfriend; or the one with the tits, with the quarterback boyfriend; or my mother, who never learned to cook, or my older sister, who never had a child, or my younger sister, who never cries?
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“her long legs and the way she’d paint”—repeater. you already mentioned the “long legs.”
...so far, the stream-of-consciousness style, while a bit of a challenge, format-wise, is holding my interest. Anything interspersed with random bits of pop-culture is always entertaining to me.
“teacher aid”—teacher’s aid
hmm..Imitate a girl. Which one should it be? What follows is a fast and often funny slide-show of women from the past century and into this one, with a focus that comes back to “family” and “sisters” and “mother” more often than not.
It reads, to me, as a woman who is keen at identifying but who has no identity herself and so poses what becomes a lengthy, humorous question.
Clear and original. Well done.
criticisms?
the format works for me but would you consider pulling it apart somewhat to allow the sharper images, or the images that pertain to the “family” theme, to stand out more on their own? This piece could probably work too as free-verse poetry, stacked in a staccato effect of images. or not.
thanks.
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I really don’t know what to make of this, I’d like to help you out and review it better but I am not sure I understand it so instead I’ll ask some questions which may help you think.
Ok so is it a comparison of girls?
Why is a question?
If so what is the question?
Why have you only used , and ; is that symbolic?
If i was asked what I interpreted this as I would say I think you have thought about how a girl should be imitated and you saying girls are so diverse that they can not be imitated.
You start off by forming a question with the words “should it be” but you never complete the question. Should it be “who” does “what?” You’ve created a list of many female stereotypes and many female stereotype breakers, but what the list is for exactly is not known by the reader. This may be intentional, but I don’t think it works well as a literary device.
Oh my! This is a snarling, nasty bit of fiction(?). I loved the style. You set the tone early on by delivering a machine-gun rythm that just keeps firing away until the last line. Every woman gets her due, both good and bad, and I felt the sting of your words towards both sisters. Great stuff!
To the creator who didn’t leave any instructions for the reader. I am one reader, and a writer, writing you a love note that has nothing to do with romance or lust.
I just dove in, and swam around as if I could breathe under water. She Ra was there, and so many others that I like to look for. It was magic to be there, and it was effortless. I want to read more.
This is an amazing view of different women in different roles in society. The rythm with which you carry out the illustration is quite impressive and I see no grammatical errors whatsoever. I can tell this was not just a ‘sit down and write for a concentrated 45 minutes’ which the preach in college classes (and AP English classes), but a sacrafaice of time and effort to create something worth reading.
Love the trophy wife line
That was one very difficult run-on, very potent read. I hope you realize hardly any of your stereotypes are likely lesbians. A hard body can still have a soft heart. I hope that was the point. It would help if you finished the should it be line started at the beginning at the end to clarify.
Love the allusions, rant like flow, and repetitions of people-specifically your family members. I do think that this may be better suited as a poem; my only debate with that is how to format this. I think it could work ‘as is,’ but may be better suited in stanzas. I think you could even have some fun with it and make the shape of the poem look like a “woman’s figure;” that would really make this stick out (and add a nice touch of irony).
I enjoyed this because it is a bit confusing! Perhaps that reflects the confusion of the writer. It conveys the indecision of adolescence. Do I choose to imitate this because…, or that because…Never quite deciding but going with the flow because…
There is such a strong feeling of these thoughts going round and round in your head without ever reaching any conclusion. I thought this was very well written.
I think this fits very well in the prose section more than flash fiction. If you really want it to be for at flash fiction piece then you need to have a plot. Like I metioned however this is powerful as prose which is basically poetry without rhyme or format. it would be even stronger if since you began with your mother, list all the things about your mother in the same sentence except the strongest one which you could also end with your mother. The next girl should be your sister and everything about her, then all the other women/girls. I love this piece and understand the emotion and meaning behind it, I just think the recommendations will clean it up, clarify, and make it more powerful.
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