Poetry / Echo to Narcissus
I do not seek to see myself upon the water still
If rippling there upon that surface
I should find your face revealed
I do not search through catacombs
Of memories long put away
If worrying them might unsettle one
And somehow me betray
I do not trust in anything that appears
Good or wholesome or true
Mainly because of the history between us -
How I was crushed when trusting you
I close my eyes and dance beside stars
Along the lake at night
And I have the finest dreams where I find
Not a thing to give me fright
In my memories of happiness,
Of laughter, of nothing at all
In reality
With you.
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first off, i chose to critique this because i loved it.
i was confused the first time i read it by the word “still”. at first i read it as “unstirring”, which didn’t go with “rippling”, but then i figured you meant it as in “i still haven’t done this”.
i guess that’s not really criticism, since it was my mistake, and i wouldn’t even know how to fix it.
i get the feeling that you are/were devastated by this person.
i like how you started me off low and sad, and then redeem me in that last (stanza?)which is my favorite
“I close my eyes and dance beside stars
Along the lake at night
And I have the finest dreams where I find
Not a thing to give me fright
In my memories of happiness,
Of laughter, of nothing at all”
and then you cut my head off with that last line
“with you.”
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