Novel Treatments / The Feud Chapter One
Chapter One
A New Beginning
June 4, 2005
Joseph
"Now what did you want to tell us Jason,” said Maverik.
The Whales family sat at the large round glass table. Maverik, Evelynn, Jason, Sasha, Erika, Maryann, and Joseph. Probably one of the only times this family sat together in three years. Jason was holding Sasha’s warm hands and smiling. Sasha also had on that big smile of hers. Maverik sat in his black suit, like always, with Evelynn on his right. Her long blonde hair was the only real thing she had left. Breasts? Plastic. Nose? Plastic. Cheeks? Plastic. Erika and Maryann sat in anticipation next to Evelynn.
Then there’s Joseph or Joe or even Joey.
He sat furthest away from everyone. Wearing, like always, a white shirt and long black shirts with chains everywhere. His hair just like his moms except a little darker and spiked. He sat there with a mad look on his face. He never liked being rich. But getting whatever he wanted was a good thing. He had a blue Mustang and a yellow Jeep. His three iPods were filled with music. His room was filled with computers, for editing his little films he made. Josephs’ films were mainly things he shot out in nature, around the island. Sometimes he would got out on his fathers boat and film the fish, dolphins, and if he got lucky some sharks. But sadly no one knows about his films. They just think it’s child’s play.
“Well dad,” said Jason. “Sasha’s pregnant.”
Everyone sat still. No one spoke.
“What?” said Joseph sharply.
Jason’s smile vanished along with Sasha’s. Whose face was more sympathetic than scared at what was about to happen.
“I missed goin’ out with my friends for this crap!”
“Joseph?” said Erika. “Do you not understand?”
“Understand what Erika?”
“Oh forget it.” She looked away and stared at nothing across the room.
Joseph rolled his eyes.
“Joe I thought you’d be happy,” said Sasha. Her eyes saddened. “I know you’re always telling me how much I’d make a good mother.”
Josephs face softened. He looked away. He knew he screwed up, big time.
“Joseph?” said Evelynn.
He didn’t look up.
“Joseph?”
“What?” he kept looking down.
“If you really want to go no one is stopping you.”
“Yeah Joe,” said Jason, “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
Joseph pushed out his chair and walked out of the room. Everyone watched him as he left.
Joseph opened the door, and walked into his bedroom. It was kind of like an apartment. He had a little living room where a plasma TV. sat along with two leather arm chairs. His film room where all the computers sat. Then if you walked up the little stair case you could find his king size water bed, a bathroom, and a little kitchen. Yeah you could say he was spoiled, but when your father’s a billionaire you really can’t help it.
Joseph walked up to his bed and laid down. He felt like an idiot. How could he do that to Sasha. Probably his only true friend in the world. He was going to make it up to her. He’d take her to a movie, or to the fair. Yeah that’s what he’ll do, take her to the fair. She’d love that. He got up off the bed and walked to the dresser. He put his phone in his pocket along with his wallet. He went downstairs and grabbed his keys off of the TV, and went out of his room.
He walked slowly and quietly down the stairs. He didn’t want them knowing he was leaving. He could hear them talking. They were arguing about him. Sasha and Maryann only defending him. Maverik saying he needed to send Joseph to Military School and Evelynn agreeing. Jason and Erika saying he needed anger management. But Sasha and Maryann trying to win an already won argument.
Joseph turned and went out the front door making sure they heard the slam of their precious doors. He went to his Jeep and drove down the driveway heading toward the movie theater.
Kira
K ira sat in her room reading Wicked: The Life and Times of The Wicked Witch of The West. She had gotten the book from her best friend Jerry. They’ve been friends since they were five, and now they’re eighteen. Her shoulder length raven hair was pulled back with a ponytail. Strands of her hair still hung out. She wore a pink shirt that had her Chinese Pug, Smokey, on it. Her legs were covered with a cheetah patterned blanket. Her room was much smaller than the other rooms of the house. Mainly because the room was a little reading room. But she had asked her father if she could switch rooms. He said yes but didn’t understand why. Her reason remained a mystery, only Jerry knew.
She was afraid of big spaces. Or open spaces.
Kade is Kira’s father, Sable her mom, Rebecca her older sister, and Elijah her older brother. They were probably all downstairs either watching TV or talking. She never really liked being around them. Even when she was a child. She was no daddies little girl. She preferred playing by herself. Her father always called her an odd little girl, but he didn’t know she knew what he called her. Sadly it was worse at school
Kira hates school. The only thing she likes about it is getting to see Jerry and seeing Mr. Watson, her History teacher. Her favorite subject. The problem at school is the fact that she’s smart and beautiful. She hates the cheerleaders and some of the football players. The cheerleaders hate the fact that she’s beautiful and that she understands Calculus. One day Brandie, a cheerleader, purposefully or what she said “accidentally” dumped her chocolate milk on her along with mashed potatoes. Kira was pissed. But she didn’t give Brandie the satisfaction of laughing. She got up out of her seat, and smiled at Brandie.
Brandie immediately stopped laughing noticing the look on Kira’s face. Kira punched her square in the nose and walked out to her car and drove home. She came back just in time for fifth period. The cops were waiting for her, but her father already paid them off. So she wasn’t arrested. The next day Brandie came to school with a crooked nose.
Nobody messed with her after that.
It was 6:00 pm when Kira’s father and Mother walked into her room. She smiled a fake smile at them and motioned for them to sit on the sofa.
“Hello Kiki. How are you?” said Kade.
“I’m good,” she said. “Just tryin’ to finish this book for a report.”
“Well we need to talk to you,” said Sable, ignoring her statement.
Kira rolled her eyes and closed the book.
“Okay. I’m listening.”
“Well we need you to do something.” said Sable.
“What?”
“You’re turning 18 in a month.” said Kade.
“Yes.”
“To expand our empire we need to bring Lester Crawford into it.” said Kade.
“And what does that have to do with me?”
“The only way he will come with us is if he marry’s you.” said Sable.
“What!”
Kira got up from her bed, and headed for the for.
“I’m not marrying that asshole!”
“Oh yes you are,” said Sable standing trying to block the door.”
“So what I’m some kind of pawn?”
“No,” said Kade.
“Yes, basically,” said Sable.
“Sable! What the hell?”
“What? We need to tell her the truth.” Sable said looking to Kira now. “You can divorce him after we get what we want. Or just hire a hitman or something.”
“Mom I’m not some gold-digger. Alright! I’m not like you.”
Kira took her keys from the table and pushed past her mother.
Kade looked to Sable and said, “Well that went well.”
Kira got into her pink Mustang and drove down the long driveway. She was headed to Sonic to talk with Jerry, then maybe to the theater.
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“Sasha and Maryann only defending him. Maverik saying he needed to send Joseph to Military School and Evelynn agreeing. Jason and Erika saying he needed anger management. But Sasha and Maryann trying to win an already won argument.”—this whole paragraph doesn’t seem to make sense. the sentences seem like they’re incomplete somehow.
and when you start out kira’s paragraph, u switch tenses. first you say, “Kira sat in her room reading Wicked: The Life and Times of The Wicked Witch of The West.” then you switch to, “They’ve been friends since they were five, and now they’re eighteen.” you went from past tense to present tense. instead, maybe try saying, “they had been best friends since they were five, and were still the best of friends now at eighteen.” or something like that. because in the next sentence, u go back to past tense. i don’t know. maybe u do that on purpose. u do it again with the sentence, “Kira hates school.” u went back to present tense, yet the rest of it is in past tense. unless u’re doing it on purpose, try working to make everything in the same tense.
with the flashback abt school, maybe you should try actually playing out the scene. instead of simply telling us what happened, show us. have the characters interact and dialogue. i felt more like you were just summing it up instead of telling me a story abt what happened @ school. i’d like to see brandie’s horrified reaction when kira punched her.
i like the conversation in the end, but i think you need to show us more of the emotions of the characters. was sable clenching her fists in anger @ her daughter? did her father purse his lips in frustration or simply study kira with patient eyes? what kind of people are her parents? i get the idea they’re cold, impersonal people, but i’m not sure cuz i haven’t seen how they act. by seeing their emotions and their reactions toward kira’s reaction to their news, i’d get a better impression of that.
i do like where you’re going with this!! it’s great!! although, i don’t think you need to start out each different section of the story with the character’s name. i was a little confused on that and wasn’t sure why u did it. i think if u used stars (* * *) to separate your characters’ different stories, it’d be less confusing. otherwise, great job!!!
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