Poetry / A Battlefield (Analysis)

The battlefields have gone - the warriors all dead - nations have risen and empires have fallen - the blood rivers dry and the weapons buried.

But my story begins in the boundaries of the soul and unfolds on the depths of the heart.

The concept of friendship is tarnished and lost. It only takes one act of honour and love to find the light at the end of the preverbial tunnel, and this is where my story begins...

The eyes are the window of th soul, they can tell stories of passion and purgery - blod and laughs...

"Take to the place where your heart crumbles - a place where you can go no further - a place where your tears are real, where they burn your cheeks and stain your lips... Where you going is bit a moment within a heart-beat. Dont tell me the secrets of truth, but the lies that define you."

It may seem simple to to conquor the world, but it takes true courage to conquor a heart - Ask yourself one question - lay the answer in your soul - If you had one chance to set someone free - sacrifice out of your own at all cost to you, without any recognition or praise - Would you?

You might answer "YES" but would your actions suggest otherwise?

I chose happiness over tears, but fear of loosing you was something I never chose - before our story ends - Here is the beginning - I can only pray it ends with you.....

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Reviews

September 15, 2008

snarfus

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
366	79.2% (288 votes)	16.9%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
31	M	Drexel Hill, PA	November 21

snarfus reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Good, but I see some room for improvement. In the first part, you use a few cliched phrases, like “light at the end of the tunnel” and “the eyes are the window of the soul”; you should try and put your own spin on these ideas. It’s noticeable as the rest of the poem is villed with such vibrant imagery.

“Dont tell me the secrets of truth, but the lies that define you”- This is what I’m talking about. It’s deep and it sounds original. It doesn’t leap out at the reader as something they’ve necessarily seen before. Try and apply this to the rest of the poem.