Journal, Diary, & Blogging / hobo tomb blues
I was walkin down the old train tracks by the bayou and after an hour I had to pee. I turned toward the scrub sticking out of the retaining wall, and lo & behold, a cinderblock house half-sunk into the hillside. the sea had aged it past its years but it was solidly built
with a concrete slab roof wreathed in empty cigarette packs. I peered through the tiny glassless gap of a window, which revealed the edge of a sleeping bag and a table. on the table was an open bible, an emptybottle, and a fresh book of matches.
the rest was darkness and I couldnt make out if the sleeping bag was occupied.
I crept toward the low door with some perverse urge to know what passage stood open in the bible. but as I got closer I was hit with the ripe smell of rot, washing familiar through my memory like the 9th ward after the Storm.
there was broken glass all over the floor--some final rage? was it Job
or the Revelations? but I remained on the threshold in the silence, unable to enter, not knowing the fullness or emptiness reposed in that fraying nylon fabric.
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Can you put an apostrophe after walkin’ – like so- if you are indicating the narrator’s accent. If you’re not, then put the g on it.
“house was half-sunk” may work. A few other errors can be picked up with a spell/grammar check.
Does a sleeping bag have an edge? aren’t they too soft? You might see the end or a part of it- but what would you actually see? the fabric? what would indicate it was a sleeping bag if you could only see part of it?
How did you know it was a bible? You couldn’t see the cover. Did you recognise the text? Which book was it open at?
Matches come in books? The type you snap off, you mean? Never heard them called that.
Aah, I see you’re as curious as I am re the bible…
“9th ward?” I don’t get it. What is this? Also, why couldn’t you go in and what is the “fabric” about?
A lot of clarity issues but a good opportunity to practice description. I’d keep at it.
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I thought this was very interesting. I would have wanted to know the passage too, I hate when stuff like that happens…wanting to know but then can’t go through with it. I don’t think you would want to mess with a drunk hobo though, that is never a good thing.
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