Flash Fiction / Tell it to someone who cares

This is sad.  The character sounds nice, like someone you would want to know. I want question why they would personally be saying things about themselves and how seriously we can take their personal account as a reader.

It looks like it got cut off. And I’m struggling to find a story here. Remember that story takes the following general shape:(Name of Character) wants (goal to be achieved) because (motivation for acting) but faces (conflict standing in the way). It’s really difficult to call something a story unless there is something to overcome, some conflict to be had, whether it’s internal, external, or what have you. Aside from that, there’s some really great writing here. Keep going, or post the rest! Can’t wait to read more.

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October 13, 2009

by destined2bgreat

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
142	70.1% (77 votes)	12.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
41	F	Killeen, TX	November 01

thank you for your feedback I can certainly understand your perspective. The absence of character intro details was to create just the feeling you recieved and that is how the character feels. Invisible, like a nobody, alone, non distinct.

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For some reason I don’t have the last sentences. Bummer cause I want to know what it was all about. It is quite well written but without the ending it is like  having the last pages of a mystery ripped out.

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October 30, 2009

by destined2bgreat

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
142	70.1% (77 votes)	12.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
41	F	Killeen, TX	November 01

Thank you so much for reading and leaving feedback. Actually the character died from suicide and thats why it ended.

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i’m sorry, i hate giving bad reviews,, but this reads as a journal entry from some spoiled teenager who doesn’t know ny better. what relationship is this? who is this? keep writing! you’ll get there!

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October 05, 2009

by destined2bgreat

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
142	70.1% (77 votes)	12.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
41	F	Killeen, TX	November 01

This was a lonely, ill person who felt invisible to those around, began talking to her/himself. Unhealthy Long conversations. This person probably had a mental disorder but the family never paid enough attention to seek help for them. Eventually the person talked her/himself into suicide.

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I think the person is their own best friend but people thing they’re crazy because they talk to themselves?  The writing is good.  Good clues and surprise ending.  I think.  The end looks cut off so I’m not sure, but it would be a suicide note?

“listened,I”- space. I also think the comma should be a semicolon in this example.
“rude by,”- no comma needed there

“ear to hear”- I think “listen” is a better word as it implies that the owner of the ear is paying attention, not just hanging around when someone’s talking.

Run-ons: “plan, we had”; “lose, no-one” (2 in 1 sentence)

Introduction of the bottle is a bit sudden. Can you mention it earlier and let us wonder what it is? Then drop it on us at the end (which is good- shocking and morbid).