Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Hot And Cold (Analysis)
I’m going crazy.
I need a freaking word processor on this computer.
I have all these thoughts that pile up faster than I can hand write them, and with nowhere to type them they just compound until their searing heat burns everything down.
Its an uncomfortable feeling, you know. Having so many thoughts you don’t know what to do with them. You can’t say them out loud. No. Of course not. If you do, they all start coming, and once you’ve opened the floodgates, so to speak, there’s no way in hell you’re getting them to close again. And that’s where you are, too. Hell. You’re stuck there. There’s no way out. There’s no easy path to take. You can’t do anything but sit there and let them smolder in your head, expounding upon themselves until they completely overthrow every logical thought you possess and they take over! All you can think are these icky painful things that won’t go away. Believe me. I’ve tried.
The only solution is to write. And I can’t do that.
Except here.
And you know, as “private” as this is with all the anonymity that goes on, they are still things I don’t want anyone reading. Does this mean I can’t keep secrets anymore? No. Not on your life. I can still keep secrets. I have plenty. Both my own, and other people’s. The only thing is that I can’t keep any secrets from myself. Unfortunately that seems to be the problem.
Nothing is hidden inside my head. Everything gets its turn in the proverbial “sun” until my thoughts have absorbed the UVA rays and become hotter than ever. Its almost impossible to have a cold thought. The only cold thought I can imagine would be loneliness mixed with fear. Practically everything else is scalding and sears into your consciousness. Hot. Burning. melting. Any of those superlatives will do. They’re there. They’re painful. And I can’t get them to leave me alone.
Its almost worth trying to remember pure loneliness just to get the heat to subside. Maybe I should try fear?...but no. When I start to get scared its a cycle that doesn’t stop. Its just my imagination. Even if its a situation that could never happen to me, I get worked up and brain fixates on “Yeah, but what if?”
The infamous “what if.”
Needless to say I’m just rambling right now. But its good to get all this out. If I didn’t….well, I already described how much that sucks.
Blah blah blah. Whatever.
Not like you care.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
Well… we’ve all been there; that cloying moment when the words just will not come out.
Well captured and well expressed.
It is a ramble, it is incoherent, but it is well trained writing, wich shows you care about your words.
- add/view comments (0)
i bet whatever secrets you’re keeping are really an interesting read. Make another anonymous account..and write about the stuff thats really dying to come out. You’ll probably be surprised how many others share the same darkness.
Showing 1 - 2 of 2
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
