Flash Fiction / Thirty Word Story - "The House Fire" (Analysis)

when lightening hits that close the flash and th crack happen at the same time.  I can’t think of anyting to add.  What isn’t said outright is between the lines, and it would ruin it to put that stuff in there.  it’s better this way.

This works well short, so even if you expand it, be choosy with your words. It was not what I was expecting at all. The ending is great. I guess if there was ever a moment for tat whiskey… The questions that were in my head at the end of story were: how did she know the porch was on fire? Was she drinking before? What made her give up so easy? Maybe that will help you will editing. Happy writing!

I like it. And I think it could be ripe for expansion, though I think the concept functions well as a short or flash fiction piece, so I’m talking keeping it under 1,000 words. I think what it really has going for it is it’s combination of danger and humor. Of course Caroline is an intriguing character with her “special-occasion” whiskey. Would be nice to play that up with a little more insight about here. Also, perhaps, some slipstream or magical realism elements could be highlighted with the storm and lightening that creates the fire.

I love how much detail you already have with the thirty words.

For addtion though I could see many areas of expansion.

Such as -

The windows had bars: no escape.

_

This line stood out for me. As the feeling of being trapped and faced with burning to death causes so much emotion you could write about. The smell of the smoke, the warmth of the fire. The panic, then the relization of acceptance with your last line and whiskey. And reclining… how does the chair feel? Why is it special occasion whiskey…? Was she saving it for something or someone.. what does she regret now that her life is almost over? What does she think about as her last moments come near? You could take this so many different directions.

I also like how many senses you use.

Hearing it before seeing the flash.. I think you should continue to expand on senses and emotions of this peice as it is already powerful in such a limited amount of words.

Bravo!

Interesting to say the least. I like it.  It’s short but to the point and sparked a story in my head to where it can go, which I guess, is the point of the 30 word story.  I’m almost hesistant to say my idea but I’ll go ahead and say it.  Imagine her being an immortal trapped in the house and never being able to leave by someone, something.  She’s fed and given all of life’s luxuries such as the whiskey she’s drinking but she can never leave; she’s boarded up in the house which is her prison.

However, the fire that just started from the lightning will burn the house down around her, she won’t die but she don’t care.  Because with the house out of the way she is free to go.  She only has to do it before the villagers or whoever mind her get there to put out the fire.

Hmm?  Maybe a collabaration?