why thank-you very much. There’s a live version on my band Strawfoot’s myspace page…we’re getting ready to start recording our next album and that one’s at the top of our list…
Lyrics / Broken Crown
Cotton mouth in another town I drank the river dry
Traveling with a broken crown, a demon passing by
I watched the blackbirds taking flight like ashes in the wind
They disappeared into the night and I felt my spirit bend
(chorus)
I’d scream right up to heaven if I thought it’d do me good
I’d wash my hands of sin, if I really thought I could
I’d speak my mind right now if I had half a mind to give
and I’d lay right down and die if I had ever…
really lived
I went and killed a man today I watched him disappear
A broken hand sent him away, he was standing in the mirror
Was a born a wicked man, broken from the start
Am I made of rusty tin, did the lord forget my heart
(chorus)
I’d scream right up to heaven if I thought it’d do me good
I’d wash my hands of sin, if I really thought I could
I’d speak my mind right now if I had half a mind to give
and I’d lay right down and die if I had ever…
really lived
The straight and narrow’s twisted but the fact it still remains
The line I walk is crooked, but I walk it just the same
I’d try to part your waters if I didn’t think I’d drown
and I’d finally take a stand if I wasn’t laying down
(chorus)
I’d scream right up to heaven if I thought it’d do me good
I’d wash my hands of sin, if I really thought I could
I’d speak my mind right now if I had half a mind to give
and I’d lay right down and die if I had ever…
really lived
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ConfusedSongwriter reviewed Version 1 -
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This song is really deep. I think it has a RATM type of feel to it. Not exactly rap and not exactly rock, but combined. I would work on using some stronger words. Like scream is a really strong, but “walk” in the last verse could have been stronger like “stumbled” or something like that. I really don’t see Broken Crown much in the song, and I think that was a good move on your part. I usually don’t use the title in my songs, but sometimes you haft to, and you used it in the part I probally would have put it. A Job Well Done!
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IngeBeth reviewed Version 1 -
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I’d give you a ten…but i’m not sure if that’s allowed – very cohesive – great imagery AND it makes sense -it sounds like it should be a blues or country song – you are obviously very talented! I really don’t have any suggestions – other than record it :)
plastic_angel reviewed Version 1 -
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wow! i love the imagery. overall, a wonderful piece! kind of reminds me of murder by death a little bit. i loved it!
cooljim102055 reviewed Version 1 -
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hi there,
very good..i gave you a “9” for a job well done, and yes i can hear your band playing this..and me and alot of people who “walk” or have “walked” that crooked line can relate too. i love the v/c/v/c/ some pattern and the constant ryhmes and ryhming pattern throughout the song..you don’t see alot of that on this site..(some of the craft of songwriting…:)..i’ve yapped enough..nice one,,jim
Siren85 reviewed Version 1 -
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Love it. Great flow, just by reading it I have a good idea of the way it would sound…which is not common for this site. Beautiful imagery, “I watched the blackbirds taking flight like ashes in the wind.” I love the line “the straight and narrow’s twisted…” very true, the holiest of rollers are often the most hypocritical.
Fenvy reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed the images you created. The flow is great, I can hear the song now it can also be kind of “ska-ish.” You got a bit “wizard of oz-zy” with the tin and no heart idea but it’s not noticeable if heard, obviously. I see V2 as the singer killing himself because he sees his reflection in the mirror which connects perfectly with the chorus which brings me to my next point. The life half lived is no life lived at all! The message is relatable: do what you can in life and not let it pass you by. It’s an amazing read and I’d like to hear it. I’m myspacing your band. Nice job!
lookingbeyond reviewed Version 1 -
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the ryhme is tight , I like it ,
I’d scream right up to heaven if I thought it’d do me good
I’d wash my hands of sin, if I really thought I could
I’d speak my mind right now if I had half a mind to give
and I’d lay right down and die if I had ever…
really lived
This sounds like the old type spiritual song..
I believe this song could take off with the right music
keep working on it
your friend
Lookingbeyond
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