Poetry / Bold, No Periods (Analysis)

Although the rhyming is fine I just lost my mind, overall interesting but unclear to me.  

It’s a bit too confusing for me but I’d bet the New Yorker would publish this one.  Good luck.

I have to start with the obvious. The convention errors were bothersome, although some were so glaring that it makes me question whether it was done on purpose to achieve a desired effect (I DO realize the title of the piece included the phrase “No Periods,” but it was missing other things too). If this is the case, the effect was lost on me.
The disconnected-ness of the piece reminded me – vaguely – of Finnegan’s Wake. Bear in mind that book didn’t make much sense to me, so again I think perhaps I missed something, but nonetheless, it make the piece a tripe. The way the rhymes were organized (aside from that first stanza, for lack of a better word), I’d almost argue that this would be better off under ‘lyrics’. Unfortunately, the angsty, superficial, and somewhat one-ended nature of its subject is much the same reason I stopped listening to bands with lyrics like this quite a few years ago.
There was, however, a good sense of rhyme, both internal and external. Keep writing, I have no doubt you could produce some real gems.

Nice work here.  My favorite image: “oxymoron lip ring”.  My favorite passage: “The hero will weather the weather, whatever the weather”.  That is so fluid and lyrical, and very determined.  You gave yourself (and your audience)  a huge challenge here by using very little punctuation, and I would suggest putting some more thought into the way you organize some of the lines.  The first three lines should be broken up somehow to let the reader digest what you are trying to say a little more slowly;  there is too much going on there without a break, so the ideas are running over each other and you run the risk of losing your intended meaning.  I don’t know if you intended this or if it was a typo, but “cord” musically should be chord. “Tomorrows day” really needs to have the apostrophe in it.  As the reader, each time I came across that it distracted me, pulling me out of the poem.  There are a couple word choices I’d ask you to reconsider.  I know “lain” rhymes in your opening lines, but that word and “unto” are very lofty, biblical, and melodramatic.  They  don’t contribute to the importance of what you are trying to convey; those words work against the rest of the poem.   I hope this was helpful, good luck, and I hope to see a revision. :)