Well you are completely right, I was looking back at some of my old writing journals (i’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember) ANd this was really the transition for me as a writer.. So just put them on here for a few days and see if any one other then myself thought they were good, and also publishable in like teen love advice books… thanks.
Poetry / Insane.
I don’t understand you;
The things that you say.
They drive me crazy
Each and every day.
Last night you scared me
The things that you said
Hurt me eeply
Made me want to be dead
“I thought I said to get the fuck out of here”
It made my heart skip a beat
Made a tear come to my eye
And my worst fear I meet.
You say that you were joking
Are you lying to me?
Buy why would you lie?
I just don’t see.
I’m so crazy, totally insane
I don’t know what to do.
I love you mroe then life itself
But do you love me too?
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
zionicyouth87 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Line sever must be a misprint. I think you meant “deeply” instead of “eeply”. You wrote it when you were 15? It shows. Not trying to be cruel just honest. It’s not all that good, but they said the same thing of Ayn Ran, so keep going! good luck!
- add/view comments (1)
Fenvy reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
It’s dramatic, vague and it smells like sappy teen spirit. The fear of breaking up, or the thought that he’s cheating. The piece obviously must’ve been a transition for you as a writer and looking back, you’ll see the maturity and growth in technique and style. I notice that most poetry from adolescence is very wordy and doesn’t provide a bridge for the reader to connect with, you provided a quote but still had a wall in the remaining stanzas. Cool read.
vibe0ne reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I really liked this poem. simple but clearly with a burning desire & a lot of passion. Your story is great, rhyming on the point, & ending it with the question was excellent. The poem itself is very good. Sad though =(. keep up the great writes.
- vibe0ne
Showing 1 - 3 of 3
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
3 Reviews 3 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 7 Times
Skipped: 1 Time
Ratings & Rankings
