Who says sitting in the bleachers at a football match is boring?
As I watched the kids playing one Saturday morning, a juicy snippet of a rather personal conversation drifted up from three extremely cute soccer-moms sitting in the row in front of me.
“You’ve got to be kidding! Everyone knows the big ones are the best!”
I immersed myself in my hot latte and stared blindly at the pitch as I strained to hear more…
The comment was from Aoi, a ‘hiso’ Thai whose her husband owned a factory. They were what I would refer to as “punch-drunk” – they could afford everything, and were still coming to terms with how to apply their newfound wealth. It was all about overt statements, and as far as she was concerned, size was the ONLY thing that mattered.
“That is sooo not true!” Marsha, the fiery redhead, shot back indignantly. She’d just moved to Thailand as an expat spouse. “I’ve been with a few real monsters – you’re just another statistic to them, and that can destroy your emotional wellbeing. Personally, I think it’s less about size, and more about style. You’ll never be satisfied unless they’re in tune with your individual needs. If you’re not careful, the big ones will just ram their own agenda down your throat.”
“Wow!”, said Nan, who was also Thai but married to an Expat. She seemed amused that the others even bothered about size. “I never thought about it before. I’d only ever experienced a Thai one until I met my husband. But I’ve got to admit, he’s really opened my eyes up to what I’ve been missing”.
Marsha and Aoi both laughed at that. “Don’t worry Nan – from what we’ve heard, you’re better off than you think.” I was having difficulty watching the match now, as I almost choked on my latte.
“Have you ever thought of trying something different Nan? I’m sure my husband will show you his if you’re interested?”
That caught me unprepared.
I gagged on my latte, and sent a mist of mocha over the seat in front of me. The three girls looked around in distain as I giggled and dabbed at the bubbly brown foam trickling down my chin.
“You eavesdropping on us Sam?” Marsha smiled wryly as she looked over her shoulder. “If you’re so interested in our conversation, perhaps you can settle this for us. After all, I’ve seen yours, and it’s not that big”.
Marsha’s husband and I were in the same profession – we often met after a grueling week to share our stories with our wives – I’d bared all to her many times over, so she was well qualified to make such a statement. But this was a bit more personal than I was comfortable with.
Aoi and Nan looked at me with eyebrows slightly raised, waiting for a response.
“Hmmm” I pondered, as I slipped down onto their pew. “Marsha’s right you know – I have learned to live with the fact that given the choice, most people think bigger – like her husbands – is better than a smaller one like mine, but I really think most don’t know what they’re missing.”
The Thai girls giggled, and I continued…
“Over the years I’ve had many ladies like you through my doors, and most have been delighted with what they’ve found. But every now and then there’ll be one who just slips away – often without warning – and I know they’ve succumbed to the old ‘bigger is better’ routine. I’m always a little sad about that, because those that I’ve run into later in life – at parties, or even places like this – usually compliment me on what I was able to do for them – and how the new relationship was far less personal and fulfilling. Many, I know, would be happier back with me. But they’ve made commitments or are simply too proud to admit that what I’ve got is pretty damn good.”
That elicited a chuckle from the ladies, and Nan egged me on. “But you’ve got less to work with – surely there’s only so much you can do with a small one?”
“Well, what I lack in quantity I make up for in quality”. I replied philosophically. “I wouldn’t be happy if it were much bigger at all.”
The girls were surprised. “I thought all you boys cared about was who had the biggest?”
“Heavens no!” I laughed. “Sure it’s something to be proud of, and I’ve got to admit I’m a little envious of the way everybody admires their… erm… endowments. But most of the ones you’re likely to consider here are actually way too big, and while a small number of punters will enjoy that, the majority will find they’re swallowed up by the shear magnitude. I know I’ll have a bigger impact on a greater number of the ones who come through my doors.”
“I guess if mine were bigger my style would have to change, and I’d be less able to cater to everyone’s unique needs. You’d be surprised how much more responsive people are when you take the time to culture their inner spirit. I get such a kick when I see how much I can add to a persons life – and I do it over and over again.”
“Something many people don’t realize is how much they change in a relationship like this. And even if two people seem to be similar when you first meet them, 3 months later their needs will probably be completely different. Because they develop at different rates. So unless you’re able to change your style for each individual each day, you’ll never really bring out the best in everyone.”
The girls were silent. But their smiles said it all. I’d touched a nerve in each of them – even Aoi – the Queen of Big. Had I won any more conquests? I guess time will tell, but I knew I’d given them a germ of an idea… what every young women aches for…
After all, what could possibly be more important to these young women than providing the best possible environment for the growth and development of their kids? To know find a school who would nurture and care for their kids the way they do.
I grew tired of big schools long ago, and am very happy with my role as an educator in a small “community” school. I enjoy knowing all my kids, and most of their parents, and I really do get a kick out of watching the change. And while I long for the kind of funding that a large roll provides, I do not think people should compromise a sound education so their kids can have a bigger gymnasium.
To me, smaller is better – there’s simply no question about it.
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