Short Story / The Price of a Convincing Tale

This is the best and truest one I’ve read on here, yet.  Ain’t that the truth?  That’s exactly what you have to do when you write.  Your six simple words says it all.  Shoot, you don’t even need the question mark. I think it’d make it stronger. Well, maybe…maybe not.  Great job.  Haha.  Man.  Brillaint.

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January 02, 2009

by AProphetForHope

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
61	93.9% (49 votes)	65.8%

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26	M	United Kingdom	November 06

Sweet! oh well, that’s a bonus. I was begining to think this was a little pointless.

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Quite poignant for only being six words. It invites quite a few questions. I read it as “would you forsake this world in order to build another?” but I am sure there are other ways to interpret it. That’s all I have to say. Six words is too short to give a review based on anything other than the feel of the piece, in my opinion.

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January 02, 2009

by AProphetForHope

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
61	93.9% (49 votes)	65.8%

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26	M	United Kingdom	November 06

agreed. Not sure why they ran this 6 word thing. But hey ho!

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It’s true, although for most that doesn’t seem to be too high a price to pay.

I’m not really sure about your formatting here. I don’t think the ellipse really works for you. It makes it seem like two different thoughts when it really isn’t. I don’t really consider this a question either, but I think that’s more my interpretation of the quote.

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August 05, 2008

by AProphetForHope

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61	93.9% (49 votes)	65.8%

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26	M	United Kingdom	November 06

Think we’re o different wavelengths a bit here.

I think this certainly is a question; a question that divides “writers” like myself from the real Macoy. Those willing to divorce themselves from the world around them and sacrifice living life for creating life and those (like me) who constantly wonder whether we should or could. It’s a question I ponder all the time. Also I think it’s a question because….

....leading into my next point about the ellipse. I also think it’s two thoughts. The first is a declaration. This is what I want to do. I want to create a world. The second thought is the consideration of the first and all the ramifications therein. The silent thought it “but to build I world would take a life-time. I would need to…[forsake this one]”. The silent question is… should I / could I.

Get me now?

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This is supposed to be a memoir, not an advice for all mankind.
I see it better like this: “Built a world…forsook this one”, becuase through
the past tense we can infer something about you at least .
Anyway, what you originally wrote can work as a short story, and the final question mark is smart and intriguing.

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August 01, 2008

by AProphetForHope

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
61	93.9% (49 votes)	65.8%

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26	M	United Kingdom	November 06

PS the fact it has a ? on then implies that it’s more of an internal monologue, a comentary from me concerning the dilema I go through when I write.

To build my fantasy world I feel I must forsake and give up the world that surrounds me. Must I abandon it and all that is good within it to create something else (not necessarily better, but something else entirely)? I felt this phrase represented all that I have been through and must go through to create the splices of world I have envisaged.

I also feel that many other writers have been through and go through the very same – to which many others here atest.

It is the question i ask myself every time I write, ergo it’s the story of my life as a write and not advice for anyone else.

I hope this explains it a little better. Sorry for snapping.

August 01, 2008

by AProphetForHope

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
61	93.9% (49 votes)	65.8%

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26	M	United Kingdom	November 06

That good your score took me from 5th to 12th wow. how amazingly generous of you then…

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deep I am speechless
I would switch it I guess
“forsake this world; build my own” ~SRS

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July 27, 2008

by AProphetForHope

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61	93.9% (49 votes)	65.8%

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26	M	United Kingdom	November 06

hmm I see what you mean. I like it.

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I’m not quite sure the idea you are trying to relate with this memoir, but I think of a couple situations when I read it. My first take on this is that you are making the reader aware of the environmental problems on Earth, and the fact that many people still ignore it and assume that other people will figure out a solution down the road. Second, I am presented with an image of a mentally ill person who gives up on reality and instead decides to take up residence in his or her own mind. I don’t know if it was your intention to leave the interpretation open to the reader, but that is precisely what I like about your piece. Great job!  

Yes…I like!  I certainly forsake this world when I write, when I’m in the grip of getting my story on paper.  Good job.

I haven’t seen this idea expressed yet in the six word memoirs and find it very interesting.  It is thought provoking and well said.  Nice work.

this is a very good memoir…not sure about the short story part though

I like the connotations within this “memoir.” It paints a picture for the readers whilst merely using a handful of words to get one’s point across. Well done, I feel that it’s quite effective.