Thanks. That’s accurate as far as it goes. Mainly, I wanted to be a toad, ‘cos they seemed happy to be there, all wet and so forth.
Haiku/Senryu / untitled tanka # 5 (negotiators) (Analysis)
the meeting table
sticky with humidity
negotiators
droning through the evening rain
toads trilling in the courtyard
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Harold_P reviewed Version 1 -
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This evokes for me a boardroom in the bayou. After hours, perhaps, where a group of sweaty workers are fighting to finish their work and bask in the Cajun sun. A very clammy and evocative tanka.
-H
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NaiveAndWitty reviewed Version 1 -
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the entire work is somewhat abstract. nevertheless, a picture is depicted. as for what i discern is taking place: a table, confusion and turbulence, men of power, carrying on sluggishly through the proposals, yet and still no progress is being made. of course, this take is subjective, as all takes usually are, but this is what i saw.
chickiemcweird reviewed Version 1 -
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Newton’s Law, Adapted
We can move obstacles around in our minds to clear paths in our realities. If our perception of something changes, its relationship to us changes, thus the effect of its actions in our lives.
I think you’re making something dismally uninteresting easier to sit through. It is daydreaming until a frog jumps out of your briefcase, at which point you have either mastered creative alchemy or are experiencing clinical psychosis.
acdoyler reviewed Version 1 -
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very interesting. i’d have to think the backstory would be Indian religious heads from conflicting sects trying to come to an agreement that would facilitate some kind of peace.
the last line is my favorite. ‘trilling’ is an excellent word choice. you’ve left it open to a number of interpretations. great work.
MayaCatherine reviewed Version 1 -
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LOVE “toads trilling”, great image and alliteration. “droning” is too heavy for the piece, though I like its sharp contract to “trilling”.
otello reviewed Version 1 -
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hmmm. I am familiar with the structure but not enough to critique it well. I applaud you for using it. It’s a strict style.
My first impression of a possible background was, a couple meeting to discuss divorce;
“the meeting table
sticky with humidity
negotiators”
I imagined a couple humid from the emotions and the monotony of paper work and formalities of their negotiators/lawyers. The “droning…evening rain” adds to the mood. Both parties are tired and have many other things to do. They become nostalgic by the sight and sound of rain outside the building.
Hope this impression is insightful at all. I enjoyed your piece.
dylanmatthews reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought this was wonderfully written. The style and the flow is nice and sets the mood as it is read. Since you asked. I thought of someone, perhaps a spy or aspiring agent observing this scene unfold from a window or terrace above the courtyard. The words chosen for the second line create a great image and rhyme nicely.
kt_writer_girl reviewed Version 1 -
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What kind of negotiations are going on, I wonder? Very interesting piece…
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