thank you. i will def let you know when i have revised the poem…
thx
Poetry / seasons
long summer days
after even longer summer nights
eyes falling shut
skin burning red
friendship and love all around
with laughter freely flowing
life was easy
life was fun
winter came
i was sure we were ready for it
all dressed warm
coats pulled shut to keep the cold out
layers and layers
covering us up
well prepared
or so i thought
the cold set in
the harshness all around
confusement reigned
just want it all to change
to end
just want summer back
i just want you back
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eminemslove85 reviewed Version 2 -
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i really liked how u did something different, with ur poem. i liked how u did it with seasons and not just words to put together. i liked u doing the creative side of this poem good job.
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sadpoet reviewed Version 1 -
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A broken heart seems to have inspired a great piece from you!
You start out emotional and full of the happy days of summer and good friendships. I would like to see you describe more with the use of color and texture to the piece, draw in the reader and let them see what you see, feel what you feel.
skin burning red…see the difference in the feel of this sentence compared with the rest? Often times we forget that what we see, the reader doesn’t see and we have to get to that point. We have to look at the piece as though we are seeing it and experiencing it for the first time. Ask: ”Can I see?”
I love how you described the winter, the winter we all know, it was familiar and I was a part of the piece.
I think you should expand more on the loss and how we arrived to wanting someone back that you haven’t yet explained you lost.
Take your time, please let me know if you revise, I am interested in seeing it again. Thank you for this opportunity.
eminemslove85 reviewed Version 1 -
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i read ur poem and i was a very good one, i liked it alot, towards the end it didnt really make sense to me. i got distracted by it and it wasnt clear to me and i got lost and unsure of what i just read. better luck next time.
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