Poetry / Mixed (Analysis)

Aw it’s cute. Reminds me of the song “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder…

I can’t personally relate to this, because I’ve never been torn between 2 “lovers” :) (If I interpreted the poem wrong, I apologize ;p)

A few lines I noticed could use some work. I understand you wrote it quickly, which is probably why you uploaded it here—for reviews :)

“You with your words that play in my head like a song.”—It rhymes, but not all poetry must rhyme. Though since this one does, I think your word choice could be better. Particularly “that play in my head like a song.” Needs more punch ;p

“Reaching out for help from others but they have not a clue
So I’m sitting here once again thinking of what to do.”—Might want to play with this one a little more. I feel the second line trips the whole thing up.

“I wish i was older & knew the right way…
But I’m only in H.S so this is how things will stay…
I’m sure I’ll be happy with someone someday…”—The first two lines sound more negative than the rest of the poem. Before this point, you enveloped us with your emotional dilemma. When we get here, we only hear your bashing yourself with pity. “Only in H.S.” is a creative block. You’re belittling yourself because of your age, when I know some “high schoolers” who are more mature than some adults. The last line “I’m sure I’ll be happy with someone someday” is a wonderful end! You walk us through your emotional dilemma and end with hope! Find 2 better sentences to replace “I wish…(to)...things will stay…” that compliment that final wonderful line! :)

I like the poem, and believe you should polish it into a masterpiece :)

Good luck!

I’m sure everyone has felt this way at some point in their lives; I know I have. And since you’re only in high school, you have plenty of time to find the right person. But I know right now things can be tough.
Anyway, i think your piece was good. You successfully conveyed what you wanted to say and how you were feeling. With a little work this piece could be great. Thanks for sharing. :)

You have a good start.  It needs a little more polish.  With the style you have chosen the rhythm must be right. Each line in each particular stanza should have the same rhythm. In stanza 1, line 4 you could leave out “in my head” and make the rhythm match without loosing meaning.
In stanza 2, line 3, you could adjust to something like, “Reaching out to those who have not a clue”
Stanza 3, work on line 3.
Keep writing, just don’t be afraid to polish after you get the initial thought down.  I hear that as the lyrics to a song.