Lyrics / "I Never Knew"

I like how you wrote this song from the POV of a somewhat gost of someone who has commited suicide and he realizes that people did care for him. Very unique

Wow…this was really deep.  Heart touching.

I’d liked to hear the music that goes to the song(if you have it yet) so I can get the full effect. I really like the way you tell the story, how each verse gives just a little more but you don’t tell the meaning ‘till the end. I would really, really like to read more of your work!!

Ok, this isn’t bad at all. I just think that there needs to be a hook. When you start off a song, you really shouldn’t start it with “As” because even if it’s  not, it sounds like you’re starting in the middle of the story. Rather than “more than I could ever imagine” why not say “more than I imagined” Same with the next line; less is always better just because when it’s a song it wont sound as rushed. You can do more with a short line versus a long line. The 4th line in the 2nd stanza sounds kind of random and I dont understand it. You really shouldn’t like, break up the phrase. I dont know sorry if I sound confusing! I really think it would all sound better in past tense. But that’s just me. Your bridge and everything else is pretty good, just appeal to the audience! Good job and good luck! keep writting!

This would be a great poem but for a song I think it is alittle to intense….the subject matter….

“People dressed in their church cloths…”

you spelled “clothes” wrong here

“I never saw through the insanity
That I was liked and loved by so many”

to dress this line up how about…

I never could break through the insanity that was accepted and loved by so many…

Just some suggestions good  job overall

I liked this…”

“File by me with grace and respect
Feeling like I am someone special
Is the last thing I would ever expect” it really depicts you finally realizing what it is that you were searchin for

this is absolutely amazing…I think i prefer it as a poem though!

“As the night slowly fades away
And my last guest says his last goodbye
I look back to my dark final day
And wandered why I had wanted to die”

At first I thought that as a whole it was too morbid, but this piece gives it a little regret, a little more humanity, and makes it more like someone giving the rest of the world a lesson and a warning.

Excellent!

delete the 3 thats in the bridge. and where you plainly say you died. you don’t need to, it’s explicit enough w/o that
it’s good.

The only grammatical thing I saw was in your second stanza, first line: clothes not cloths. I like this, it’s a different perspective on suicide. Told from the clarity one assumes is achieved after death. Keep working on this, I’d love to hear it played some day.

wow – i seriously didn’t see that coming.  that’s quite a twist in a song that starts off as something you think is about lovers.  i love the idea – i think it needs re-working and it could be great.  with such a big twist – i would save it for the end, not the middle.  i think some words needs changing around like “is that last thing that i would ever expect” – maybe too “wordy” and should be trimmed down somehow – especially if you want it to be a song.  even for poetry – i think it would be better with more imagery.  

few spelling things “Never Knew” shouldn’t be capitalized throughout, just in the title. “cloths” should be clothes.  ”wandered” should be wondered. i’d love to see to re-work it and reread it.  i think you really have something great.