Haiku/Senryu / A Violet Night (Analysis)

Nice.  I think the last line is missing a syllable though.  That is, if you are going for 5,7,5…

I really like the use of colors here. I can literally invision the hills as day turns to night.
Great job.

I’m not a huge fan of Haiku, so forgive me if I am too harse, but I really didn’t enjoy this one. It does possess great imagry, but seems to be a partial thought. I mean as a reader, “lush colors” makes me think, red, orange, yellow, and some violet mixed in, but this says these lush colors are violet. Maybe if you made it ‘color’ instead of “colors” it would sound better. Then I have issues with “Green July Hillside” it’s too specific to end simply stating “Violet night sky” maybe ‘Upon a green hillside’. It wouldn’t change your syllable or “on” count but would make more sense.

Of course this is all opinion, but I hope it helps.

I like the visual this presents. The joy and beauty of summer, the virance of the colors and the longed for coolness night represents while not altogether becoming a reality.

This paints a nice scene, but it didn’t really stir any emotion in me.  It doesn’t really seem to have much of a message.