Short Story / Revenge of the Nerds (Analysis)
Logan was a quiet kind of kid who wore khaki pants and a collared shirt, complete with a pocket protector every single day of his miserably nerdy life. Today, he stood in front of his closet, just like every other day, staring at his collection of blue shirts that were all exactly the same color, size, and style. Then he moved to the tie, which inevitably depicted a picture of a computer, Garfield or some frighteningly gaudy design. After dressing, taking one final look at his poster of Albert Einstein, which was hanging reverently over his bed, and glancing over his graph of the Standard periodic table of elements, he exited the room to get some breakfast in the kitchen. It was an ordinary day, precisely like every other day, except that every day held in store a new experiment that was worked on, exploded, and was abandoned after a thorough chewing out by his mother.
This morning, yes, precisely the same as every other morning, Logan was reading the “Science Gazette” through his inch-thick glasses over his bowl of special edition Star Wars marshmallow cereal. After chewing and swallowing a long row of vitamin tablets and drinking a startling mixture that he was convinced would prevent him from getting cancer, he grabbed his overly stuffed book bag from the hall. Within it, several science and space magazines were stuffed pell-mell in with his chemistry, calculus and advanced physics book. Scribbled bits of hypothetical equations littered every spare corner of any paper in his binders. The result of all of this junk was that the book bag had a steadily growing tear in the side of it. Logan, of course, did not notice. Rushing to keep up with the school bus, which was already taking off to leave, Logan leapt inside, barely in time to keep his bag from getting crushed in the closing doors.
Finding a seat was almost impossible, every girl scooted over to the outside chair and every jock cracked their knuckles threateningly. Logan meekly chose a spot right behind the school bus driver. Stepping off the bus, Logan was a few minutes early to his first class – English. He sat down, tucking away his physics book and a comic book, both of which had leaked out of his bag when he set it down.
Then the jocks walked in. Logan gulped. They cracked their knuckles. Logan gulped again.
“Hey pipsqueak, why don’t you get your nerdy butt out of my seat?” Logan did not, no, could not move. The jock’s eyes narrowed.
“You reek of stupidity,” Logan squeaked bravely.
“I what?” The jock said, looking dumber than before.
“You guys always get to pick your seats because you’re bigger than us nerds, or stronger, or more popular. I – I’m not moving, you can’t make me.” Logan puffed his chest up, hoping he looked braver than he felt. All of the other nerds watched him with amazement, looking impressed. That raised Logan’s hopes a bit, but not much, considering who he was addressing.
“I’m going to make you move, Nerdigan!” Logan frowned, knowing that that was one of the stupidest nicknames he’d ever been called. The jock was obviously unnerved by his courage.
“Y-you and who else?” The other jocks backed away.
“Fine. You can sit there.” The other nerds cheered. Logan did not think his cereal in his stomach was going to stay there much longer; he felt sick. It did not help that the prettiest girl in school was looking at him in admiration now. She approached him at the end of class.
“That was really brave, Logan.” She slipped him a piece of paper with numbers on it. Logan stared at her in confusion. “Call me sometime.” Logan nodded, slipping the paper into his pocket, wincing as his pocket protector snapped down on his finger. He seriously doubted if he’d ever work up enough courage to call her, but then . . . he smiled . . . she had called him brave. It had, it seemed, turned out to not be such an ordinary day, after all.
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you have a great use of the descriptive, your sentences flow…..all the blue shirts, and the ties, and the science bits, and the cereal descriptions…...they are very good….but I was expecting something more from Logan. Your choice of knuckle cracking jocks, and the ‘tift’ over the seat, and the pretty girl, have been done in many movies, and tv shows…..you are wasting your time with this story line. Figure out something new and fresh for Logan to get his first confidence boost in his nerd world. It is too predictable, and the sameness of it is flattening your talent…..be brave, like Logan, and take a risk.
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Cute idea. Everyone loves a good underdog story and enjoys seeing an outsider triumph over adversity, so you definitely have that going. However, you need to give Logan something besides the typical attributes of a “nerd” to make him more than a cliche, I think. Movie and TV Nerds are always seen with pocket protectors and toting lots of textbooks, but surely there are nerds out there with less obvious costumes and interests. I’d say the same about the jocks, they’re not always the same either. Just something to consider…
The writing wasn’t anything special but appropriate to the content and overall message. Sorry, but that does indeed mean they weren’t anything special either. To clarify, I’d say this is a pretty standard feel-good story, so there’s no need for any flash language or in depth character description. Unfortunately, that’s what makes it so unattractive for me (and I think for others.) When dealing with an issue such as this, a piece of writing must stand out in some way.
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