Poetry / Patience (Analysis)

Well I’m glad it took me two months to review this because it was just so refreshing to come back onto urbis and know that I had a wonderful poem like this to come back to and read.

You have amazing potential, this poem is just absolutely great! It has wonderful rhythm, flow. It didn’t sound forced which is a blessing.

And I look forward to reviewing more of your work thats for sure!

Keep up the great work!

Amy

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November 20, 2008

by LAluver4ever

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
151	71.7% (53 votes)	29.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
17	F	Modesto, CA	November 15

Thank you so much! I appreciate being appreciated. :)

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I really enjoy how clear and blunt you are about everything. You just say it, and it’s still very sad and poetic. My favorite part is the last stanza. I hope to reunite with a few people when i die to. ><

You’re right, it is short, sweet and simple! Cute and sad at the same time. Good job! I wouldn’t change a thing…

I enjoyed it,  I believe that it slowed down a bit in the middle due to the punctuation, which in poetry gives rise to short and long pauses.  I felt that the poem would have felt more harried if it sped up at the beginning but left the same punctuation in the last stanza. The last set I would not touch at all, perfect.

I like how, when you read it, words are clean, straight, and simple. It does go off rhythm at times, but that can easily be fixed. It’s sad. But at the same time it doesn’t leave you with a heavy heart – by sticking to thoughts and events rather than feelings. Very good.

Hello there!

Sorry for not reviewing you in a while, you know i love your work. This is no exception, great flow, wonderful display of sorrow, raw emotion, tragic rushed loss. You capture the proper feelings and emotions so very, very well. Please do everyone a favour and keep injecting yourself onto paper. me…

this is, perhaps the best poem I’ve read in years. It doesn’t let overly colorful words overpower the important sentiment and message. Bukowski once said “An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.” This poem is the perfect example of that, and the author of this poem is certainly an artist.

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July 23, 2008

by LAluver4ever

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
151	71.7% (53 votes)	29.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
17	F	Modesto, CA	November 15

Thank you so much! I really, really appreciate it.

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I enjoyed the poem for the feel, the sentiments and the way it unfolded. I’d suggest all right instead of alright; swapping ‘free of pain’ for ‘now and then’ so that the word in the last line of the last verse i.e. ‘again’ rhymes with pain from previous verse. Rather than write this in three line it might come out better writing this in a straight line an then as rhyming cuplets.
Best wishes.

I thank for the review request. I will start with the positive aspects of your poem. I enjoyed the rhyme scheme and the rhythm. You have a great skill to catch inner rhythm of words and add melodicity to it. The poem flowed quite well. There was a little kink on the line “onto a ledge”. It may not be grammar perfect, but with “on” it would sound better at least for me.

I couldn’t really get the idea behind the title. The poem deals with inner strength and loss, while the title is patience. It’s quite far between the two. The other thing is that the poem doesn’t add anything new to the same sentiment. For me it’s not important what you say, but how it is said and here the poem lacks originality in terms of lexical diversity.

Otherwise this is a very good effort.