Lyrics / People's Assassin (Analysis)

Of course: look for the hook—the bones of the song. The rest is flesh.

Title: People’s Assassin
Chorus: a bit of a problem is that the title usually is in the choral refrain.

Suggestion? You have two choral refrains without an ending.

you do have ‘assasin” in the first choral, but it should be “people’s assassin.”

Two continous chorals are hard for the musicians unless you have a stanza between the two.

I’d go with this: Chorus:
battle the wretched blood of the damned
strike the match, wind whips with sand
vinyl doorways elastic and grand
bars will help me to show the world band.

In no way am I rewriting your lyrics. Just what I hear in my head.

low ratings because this has so much potential but needs alot of work.

Blessings, Gregory

I liked these lyrics.. they were very powerful and reminded me of Iron Maiden’s songs.

You have a gift for choosing dramatic phrases.  This poem is dark.  However it isn’t clear.  Perhaps if I were younger I would get the references.  Maybe being part of your gaming community etc. would give me the key to this.  However at this point you have written a poem that sounds good but excludes me.

Perhaps editing with an eye to allowing the reader access to the meaning would help this become a great poem.  At this point is is fun to read and intriguing.