Flash Fiction / Six Word Memoir

This is short, quick, to the point – and it does it well. The words you have chosen and how you have put them together strike me like lightening. Dark, deep and emotional. I don’t think I have ever seen six words strung together that have made such an impression on me before. Wonderful work.

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

I feel really good about your flattering review. Thank you! :D

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I admire your desire to be honest and sincere. However, it’s riddled with cliches that don’t work past a step above literal. If you must stick with these words, try messing around with the punctuation. You could pack a lot of punch (cliche!) by not, going, with, just commas and trying! something… different?

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

Clichés! Normally, I try to avoid them like the plague. I’ll take a fresh look at my word choices. Thanks.

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Too “goth”, if you’ll forgive me for using the term. Darkness, fog, regret. None of them are individually bad, but throw em together and you have a recipe for “goth” stew – which I might add tastes like poison, and the deepest darkest depths of my broken heartinshardsshatteredonthefloor (The sarcasm isn’t aimed at you, just making m’ point in as blunt a way as I know how). Encapsulate those feelings of darkness, fog, and regret – don’t just regurgitate them.

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

Thanks for the honest feedback. No offense at all. I’ll be mulling the term “encapsulate” for a while before I try to achieve it, though.

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Interesting.  But as you use the terms darkness, fog, and regret, they are all somewhat abstract.  I know, what can you say in six words.  But all I receive from this is a general sense of gloom.  Sorry.

Dave

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

I was going for abstract gloom in this piece. Maybe I succeeded in achieving mediocrity? :)

July 25, 2008

by davidblaine

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54	M	Deckerville, MI	October 10

Well, you succeeded in meeting your objective.  Mediocrity is such a subjective thing it’s hard to say.  Good luck with it!

Dave

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I like how easy it is to find myself in this setting but thought it unfortunate I was surrounded by regret. I suppose for me, I like to consider darkness and fog serene and not necessarily having angst. But still good.

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

Yes. I didn’t consider this when I wrote the piece, but for those readers who associate darkness and fog with sense of pleasure, the regret does not mesh well with the initial imagery. Thank you for the review.

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sounds to me like you’re confused about the direction your life is taking and have regretted the directions it has gone in the past! very intriguing to me!! great job!!

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

Pretty good interpretation. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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The Memoirs is about the creative life… are you tying to say you that everyone has darkness they should get out and only a few are exposing that through creativity and thats why theres regret. I’m curious what you mean… Let me know by comment or by personal message. thanks.

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

I hope the message I sent you cleared things up a bit. I use my own experience with gloom in some scenes of my writing. But, I also use my experience with joy! This particular piece just turned out gloomy.

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I like the imagery and the juxtaposition of inside/outside.  Darkness and fog suggest confusion and despair, highlighted by regret, of course.  If I had to say anything negative, it would be that it is a bit vague (though it may be intentionally so to add mystery).  Great Memoir!

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

Thanks, I’m glad you liked it. I’m still toying with it to consider using more specific terms. But so far, vagueness has worked best.

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I like the capitalization you used – nice personification of Brevity and Soul.  Perhaps in another submission, you could tell more of a story with the six words (admittedly, a short story!) instead of providing a deep thought.  Good luck in the competition.  

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

Good idea for short story! It could go: setting, action, resolution.

“Darkness inside, foggy egress, contrition overwhelms.”

oof. I’ll keep working on it.

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This says to me that the writer is bewildered.  Life no longer makes sense and they have given in to feelings that life is pure chaos and circumstance.  The “regret everywhere” is a little vague but this is a statement for pondering and it brings to mind, someone who wishes life had turned out different or cannot forgive themselves for something they did in the past.  I thought that darkness and fog gave way to illumination in some form, that is if you are looking to seal it up like that.

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July 24, 2008

by campb26593

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
320	83.5% (115 votes)	26.6%

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45	M	Elk Grove Village, IL	November 11

First, your observations are very close to my thinking as I wrote this piece. The dark-to-light scenario is an intriguing alternative to my version of total despair. I’ll work with that and see what I can accomplish.

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