Thanks for the review, adamsk13. The piece is about a pan a naive person in a cult corresponding with the outside world. I guess we just don’t have the same sense of humor.
Humor/Satire / Waiting For Comet Calgon (Analysis)
Last night as I was pulling ward duty with the babies, I noticed an odd sensation. It was about 3:57 a.m., and I seem to recall hovering lucidly with a half empty bottle over 3 month old Haley’s crib. It was then that I realized that the tune to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and “Baa Baa Black Sheep” is one and the same. The sensation hit me a succession of times, but none more profoundly than when the music box of the baby mobile tinkled to a halt. Maybe it was because I was so tired. You’d think taking those weird horse tranquilizer sized vitamins everytwo hours would make me feel more alert, but I feel more and more like I’m turning into a zombie. The others tell me it’s normal to feel this way because I’m still new here, and that before long I’ll forget all about it. I don’t know about that, but each time those last faint notes sounded, they seemed to haunt the air and my mind while I strained my eyes by way of simulated moonlight, hoping to see Haley’s eyes closed. After five or six more unsuccessful attempts at playing the mobile for her, I gave up and hung my head dejectedly. What would the others say of my incompetency? What kind of deprivation would I be subjected to next? Oh well. “Wills were made to be broken. Calgon take me away,” chanted a voice in my head, over and over again. I began to laugh, almost to the point that it became a sinister cackle. Then, I remembered that back in the good old days, mothers would rub an infant’s gums with whiskey to get them to fall asleep. What a simple solution. I thought about the morals of the Calgon Comet Coalition (CGC) for a few moments and what the High Priestess would say about it. Hmmm. I went to the kitchen, opened up the cupboard, and made Haley another bottle of formula. Too bad we don’t keep liquor in our underground bunker.
Jan.7,2008
Lunarlad
Review of Version 1
What’s going on here,ElronHubbard? You work in a maternity ward at a hospital? Doesn’t sound any hospital I’ve been to. My mom works in a nursery too, but she takes care of plants. Talk about a dirty job. I suppose yours is too, with all of the diapers and whatnot. But that’s neither here nor there.
also, are you any relation to scientology author, L. Ron Hubbard?
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Jan. 7, 2008
by ElronHubbard
Hi, Lunarlad. Far out name you got there…very cosmic. I don’t work at a Hospital. I’m part of a group, if you know what I mean. We’ve got a little hide away in a secluded spot in Death Valley, California. We believe society is going to collapse on itself any day now, and we’re just living out the rest of our days here, waiting for the next comet (Calgon) to come by and take us away to another planet where life is sublime.
You look like a nice fellow and your profile sounds just like what the High Priestess is looking for. Well, you might have to give up some of your creative ability. (individualism and artistic abilities are frowned upon here but you appear as though you’d make a suitable breeder) Do you have any objections to long stints underground without sunlight? Interested? Feel free to contact me for further details.
p.s.-ElronHubbard is just my urbis username. L. Ron Hubbard has always been one of my idols. Before I joined the GCC, I had an alter and shrine in my closet dedicated to him.
Jan. 7, 2008
by Lunarlad
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Reviews
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joancrown reviewed Version 6 -
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This is way more suited to humor than blogging or journaling. First off, journals are usually more personal and rife with errors. Your writing, on the other hand, is rather good. Secondly, can I laugh out loud? Please! Haley of the Clagon Comets… it sounds like a name for a band. Too funny. Thirdly, I wish, wish, wish that those were real comments. Too funny…springboarding off of Urbis for your writing and these alter egos. I was laughing my ass off. On the other hand, if it is a case of “Life-stranger than fiction,” then holy shit in a whole new direction. I love that I can’t figure it out. Makes me want to read more.
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quaintfungus reviewed Version 6 -
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Really very enjoyable. You had me going there for a moment. Nice change of pace through out the blog, really wrong foots the reader. The use of the comment posts is great and i think you set a great scene. Especially the late night baby minding.
L.Ron Hubbard is one guy who sends shivers down my spine. Since i took one of his dianetic quizzes down in Brighton.I can’t decide if the guy is brilliant or evil.
Nice level of paranoia in your piece too. I think I may have learned some stuff from this. Nothing negative to say. Good job Keep writing.
RoadHousePress reviewed Version 6 -
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Fifty word review? For a blog? I can see this being built a kind of graphic, comedy, novel. The Calgon Journals. Great fun reading this and it sounds like motherhood to me. I’m sure I will see what’s outside as soon as I finish this last tour of duty called grandmotherhood. Been in the bunker so long, it feels like home. Oh, it is home. Seriously, I loved this. Made me laugh at life.
VeeLee reviewed Version 6 -
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Okaaaay…I find it hard to believe that this is for real, so I think this piece would be better placed in a different category. I have to say, the only thing I find amusing about it are the user names and the cult name. We’ve all had our Calgon moments—though I wonder if anyone under 30 would get the reference. The linguistic connection between “Elron” and “Enron” was something I hadn’t noticed before. Thanks for that little tidbit of conspiracy fodder.
adamsk13 reviewed Version 6 -
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I’m confused…after your first main paragraph, you start listing comments. are these comments of this piece and you just revamped them in? why do you want us to read those?...
anyway, i thought this was ok. nice voice, good grammar, etc. nothing too out of place or awkward in terms of the actual writing. i guess i just found myself a little bored with it. i didnt find too much going on. maybe a little bit more dialog would have saved it?
best of luck and keep writing!
jet_fuel reviewed Version 6 -
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Well, I like your new revision. The phony posts and reviews make the actions even more difficult to trace. They confused me at the first reading, but it’s a clever device to more the plot forward! The word “tinkled” is an addition to this version, no? Well, it works here if you’re looking for onomatopoeia, but I associate that with urination. On the other hand, it does offer a “tinny” sound like music boxes or Japanese ring tones. Hyphenate horse- tranquilizers. “My mind while I strained my eyes by way of simulated moonlight” sounds like a mouthful. It’s missing the cadence of the other versions I’ve read. This is better in regards to plot development. I know you’re working the cult plot, but are you reaching out to the outside worldto prosthelytise? It’s an interesting piece!
scottsta reviewed Version 5 -
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this is wacky and entertaining. you might get some slack for switching to the emails but i loved it. please expand this piece. there’s something very cool and readable about it.
this is a bit messy for me but you can fix this kind of thing easy.
ey seemed to haunt the air and my mind while I strained my eyes by way of simulated moonlight, hoping t
don’t know what else to add. i liked this crazy piece instantly. keep going!
robertryburn reviewed Version 5 -
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Your words were easy to follow and since I have read Mr. Hubbard’s books I can see where you are coming from.
Your words have a good flow to them and make it easy to understand. Good luck and keep writing.
badhabits reviewed Version 5 -
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Strange!!! So strange, just when I thought I knew what was going on, something came along that threw me way off track. Thought you were nursing your baby, suddenly at the end i’m thinking about aliens…but you kept my attention the whole way through. Not sure if this is a blog persay, but its interesting (more like strange) my only critique is…its way too short! I need more info. You left me hangin’, so they say…
Blue_Eyes reviewed Version 5 -
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I found this pretty strange, which in this case is a good thing. This is my first review of a journal/blog entry, so I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I liked this. It was interesting.
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