Non-fiction / six word memoir

hi there,

i like the idea…but i think you can improve this good idea..like,maybe, born,lived,and never looked back…:)..later,jim

p.s. i hope i helped…..

this is a nice one. It conveys the feeling of longing for one’s past.

This is really cute and very funny. Your write try experimenting a little with your punctuation. Other than that its really cute.

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July 23, 2008

by PIMckenzie

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I agree with the advice.
Thank you
Cheers
P

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This one is amusing. I like the thought of a baby popping out, looking around, not liking what it sees of the world and trying to scramble back in. Kinda a messy image, but not a bad one. Made me smile. Good stuff.

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July 23, 2008

by PIMckenzie

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Thank you for your kind words. I agree with your evaluation as I originally write it that way, then, thinking further, it can also be interpreted as came to this world, lived and did not like it and our “spiritual essence” longing but not rushing to return to the place from where we came. A bit far fetched maybe.
Thanks again.

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This has a sort of humor to its short six words. You said something about the punctuation – my suggestion would be to replace the commas with dashes, and keep the period at the end. Also the title is a little bit lacking. “Six World Memoir,” while it does well to describe exactly what this is, just doesn’t grab my attention in ways I think a title should. Good work overall.

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July 22, 2008

by PIMckenzie

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Very good point. Never thought of the title for this little exercise. Thanks
Peter

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I felt like I read something very similiar to this already.  I’m not sure if this is your revision or someone has written something very similiar.  Either way, this piece is much clearer and concise than the other.  I look at this statement in two ways.  One, its like you took one look at the world and wanted to retreat.  Or, its like the old joke that you spend nine months trying to get out of the vagina and the rest of your life trying to get back in.  No matter which way you look at your memoir, its amusing and well-written.  Good luck!

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July 20, 2008

by PIMckenzie

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The original version had some issues with punctuation and I revised it.  This is probably what you saw.
Thanks
PIM

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Excellent actions, and conveys the ‘hey, wait a minute!’ very well.  Nicely done.  

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July 19, 2008

by PIMckenzie

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thank you for the very positive review.
cheers
PIM

July 19, 2008

by the_venus_in_isis

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Your welcome, people seem to be getting quite vicious over these.  It’s nice to see the humorous ones.  

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This is very funny!  I think you have a good memoir here that made me laugh and think about this world.  But the piece is a mess.  Clean it up and put the correct spaces and punctuations in the right places.  Good luck!

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July 19, 2008

by PIMckenzie

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Calling it a mess is a bit harsh don;t you think, how can you a=have a mess in six words when only the punctuation is off, hurried that one I think… I’ll fix it.
Thanks

July 19, 2008

by Aten2727

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Didn’t mean to offend you at all, just trying to be clear that it needed fixed.

July 19, 2008

by PIMckenzie

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And you were right, I didn’t check the punctuation and I should have.

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This made me laugh, it has an element of filth, I like that.
Maybe it’s me with the filth.

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July 18, 2008

by PIMckenzie

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I hadn’t looked at it that way but I shan’t deny the possibility that some may see it that way. As far as I am concerned, I’d rather not think about it, Mum’s 97…. Thank you for not trying to interpret words that did not need interpretation, too many do that and lose sight of the them.
Cheers
PIM

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