Short Story / Re: 6 word Contest "The Journey Can't Be Over Yet"

Lived It. Despised It. Changed Me.

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ColmFeoreAteMyHomework avatar General Stranger

August 06, 2008

ColmFeoreAteMyHomework

REVIEW QUALITY: 0.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
ColmFeoreAteMyHomework reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I don’t if this really captures the spirit of the contest.  There is an implied narrative, but I don’t think it really speaks to why you write.

Jane_R avatar General Stranger

July 19, 2008

Jane_R Prolific-icon-medium

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Jane_R reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

“Despised it” is very strong—love those first four words.  The snag is that “Changed me” has a different implied (grammatical) subject, so the strength of the beginning is diluted. Is there a phrase that has (I) subject that could capture what you mean?

Green22 avatar General Stranger

July 18, 2008

Green22

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Green22 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Maybe change ‘the’ to ‘this’ but other than that very good.

vangogh414 avatar General Stranger

July 18, 2008

vangogh414

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vangogh414 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I would really love it if your submission was the “title”; it says much more to me than the actual body.  The ratings are a combined effort on the title and body; the title would rate high, but the actual body pulled it down a bit for me.  The structure is a little off for me; as picky as it sounds, the double syllable “despised” weighs down the middle of your poem.  Note the nice sound of the title: “1-2-2-2-1”.  The “me” is also distracting after the two “it”s.

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starbourne avatar

starbourne

Age: 26
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Gen: F
Last Login: November 10
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