Poetry / unraveld (Analysis)
You are like my world, many layers within. Tears flow when you open up…mouths water with your taste. Unraveled, intricate… Unattractive exteriors…smooth, soft layers within. You are fragile, sensitive, sweet…you are strong, forceful, deep. If I cut you, will you bleed? If you open up, sight will be unseen. People cry for you… irresistible. Does it hurt to be so good? Do you hurt to be so bad? Like a book, you cannot be judged. You show many colors. True they must be. Ultimately, you are one..only one, you cannot be…
La Cebolla.. (The Onion)
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The ending, “La Cebolla” made me smile. At first, as I was reading, I was a little bored; I thought that you’d written the usual invocations of love to some unseen object of your affection. Then I saw you actually were talking about an onion. Kudos! I thought that was perfect!
You have quite a few grammatical errors in your sentences though. I’d try to avoid the ellipses you seem to use arbitrarily, in place of commas. You did a good job, though, of leading the reader from the abstract to the concrete (and mundane), which made this piece really amusing. good work!
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