Poetry / Prometheus

Prometheus

I gave you the ability to burn bridges
completely aware
of the consequences,

but,
under the calculated assumption
that remaining still was effortless.

I mean,
after all,
it was supposed to be
a fundamental law of physics:
all things remain still
unless otherwise beckoned.

I had imagined the weight of time
to be as light as the weight
of your head leaning against my shoulder,

but instead
it turned out heavier
than Sisyphus’ burden.

I just wanted to stop the bleeding.
Pushing time forward
meant the struggle of starting over.
Healing was for the sole purpose
of feeling once again
the sensation of getting your heart torn out.

Time is spilling over
from its hands
like water in a water wheel,
rushing downstream
like a train to its next stop.

What good is it
for the soul to resist,
to peg your feet against the tracks
and hold out your hands?

To step back
behind the yellow line,
and let go,
your face in the window
blurring into the grand scheme of things.

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Reviews

February 23, 2006

Deleted User

Review of Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

The most visual part of this piece is “It’s that time of year:the budding…...winds” I absolutely loved it. I also loved the last stanza. You definitely have a great talent with words. In the first stanza, Im not too sure I like the word “remotely.” I feel it interrupts the flow a bit. I want to know what he regretted. There’s not much else that I would change about this. Great Job.

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
145	88.9% (45 votes)	35.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	LA, CA	November 01

March 31, 2009

axelk

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
84	60.9% (23 votes)	20.2%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
27	M	Romania	September 27

axelk reviewed Version 3 - Read 100% of the Item

To begin with I think the title works or at least works better than “Tragedy”. Maybe you could think about something else if you are not satisfied. That is what counts the most. For you to be happy with the outcome. I really like the fact that although the theme was somewhat a given you managed to give a fresh approach and create a memorable piece of writing. I especially like how these words fit together: “I had imagined the weight of time
to be as light as the weight
of your head leaning against my shoulder,”

Good job.