wow – thank you – i’m still playin with it and a few others – switching the lines is a great idea.
Poetry / poet
poet
Yes, that’s me.
Look and you’ll see.
My brain expands like fire.
My eyes contract for the brightness.
My arms open for the light.
My hands close like books.
My heart releases for words.
I’m gripping for knowledge.
My words glide like oil.
My friends grind like whetstones.
I live outward for a gift.
I hope inward like the eagle.
I dream perfect.
It’s all clear as can be.
That’s positively, absolutely me.
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JerdStyles reviewed Version 1 -
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I like that you’re showing a mind of a poet from the perspective of a poet. With open minds and open hearts people will be able to understand and really understand poetry. As this shows, poets are different from most people. I liked the “words glide like oil” line because it shows the smoothness of words that a writer can have that others who just talk rather than write cannot fully capture.
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JessicaHumiston reviewed Version 1 -
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it was nice.. ha. no seriously… i feel like this should be screamed amongst the background of a drunken haze into the night.. it’s fast and a’flame..and at the same time in such a sacred oath that it is perfect low and solid as well..the line “i dream perfect.” took my breath away…the only thing that i would change, if i were to change anything is this: i would switch the first two lines…because i feel the title “poet” should be voiced in the reading of this piece. It gives you, when reading it aloud, a first few breaths before the explotion of proclomations.
the_venus_in_isis reviewed Version 2 -
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The first two lines make me cringe mainly because they feel cliche and too typical of a rhyme for the intro. I think the ‘look and you’ll see’ is what really makes this offputting at the beginning. I really like the lines that follow though, because they are so clear and vivid. Telling us what your eyes, arms, hands, heart, etc is doing really lets us dive in to this piece. It’s unapologetic, and very crisp writing. I was a bit disappointed it was so short, but as always, I really enjoy your work.
sadpoet reviewed Version 2 -
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Consider me as just the simple beginning.
If you truly look…some people, excuse me, most people look but never see and that may be an excellent point to convey here; like hearing but never listening.
My brain expands like fire…use descriptive words and colors. A poet is like a literary painter, please always remember that. My brain combust in red-orange fire.
My eyes contract for the brightness…eyes constrict…the words need to exert power!
My hands close like books…a beautifully poetic visual here. Excellent.
My friends grind like whetstones…seems out of place.
You have a magnificent base here for your poem and with minimal revision you will have a masterpiece. Thank you for the opportunity.
ScorpionHunter reviewed Version 2 -
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“My friends grind like whetstones” I don’t get the purpose of this image.
“I dream perfect” What do you mean by this?
I just didn’t care for this. It’s too simple and undeveloped.
I couldn’t find anything to relate to.
FireAlarmPurpleFingers reviewed Version 2 -
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This is constructive criticism. Only take it at that, not to you, or your work.
I think I am going to explain my rankings to you along with the poem.
I think you have had some schooling in poetry. You have a real nice stanza though I think you can break it in to three parts after the 7th and 11th lines. This will give the reader more orientation and a breath.
If you want you can get this published on many online spaces but do not pay for it. The only time you pay is if you are making your own chapbook.
I think you are very clear and upright about what you are saying: it is a want of words, to express them, pulsating inside of you.
I didn’t find this amusing or entertaining. It seemed more angst ridden.
Overall Poetry: First break this in to 3 or 4 stanzas. Incorporate several images.
I think you have talent, otherwise I would not have spent this time. You are a young writer who needs to get published. And someday soon.
Joel_Mitt reviewed Version 2 -
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A self portrait of sorts…but it lacked color and form. I found the word “for” to become very annoying by the 7th line, especially because, by then, it sounded like your heart released 4 words. I’m just suggesting that you might want to do something about all those “fors” it sounded like you were chipping bad shots all over the place.
I didn’t quite understand how an eagle hopes inward…maybe I’m missing something. “My words glide like oil” seemed a bit of an oxymoron in this, they felt rather bumpy. This could use some more grease.
batwriter79 reviewed Version 1 -
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All I can type is great for poets to read. I love the lines-My brain expands like fire and My heart releases for words. Great poem.
cooljim102055 reviewed Version 1 -
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hi there,
ok, i won’t say it’s nice…:) and i think you can use a little more rhymes throughout the poem, that’s what poets do..(most of the time) and i think even though people write about certian things they assume the reader or listener know the title of their works but in most cases they don’t, i think mentioning the title is important, even if it’s used at the end..(which personally i think is over used but better than not mentioning it at all)..oops, yapped to much…sorry…jim
IdeeFixe09 reviewed Version 1 -
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Hmmm… it’s nice. No, I’m just kidding. The first two lines you haven’t any punctuation, but then you have it throughout after that and then the last line there isn’t any. I think you should have made it all uniform or made the last two lines without to match with the first two lines. Either way I do like it. The imagery is really good and it’s really put together well.
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