Poetry / The Act of Public Humiliation (Analysis)

I really enjoyed reading this poem until I got to the peanut butter and jelly metaphor. Please don’t take this the wrong way. It is a very well thought out and written piece. I just feel that it is let down by this use of language especially after the start is so descriptive, thought provoking and mature. Overall I see it as a very enjoyable piece with one small fault, but hey that’s just my opinion, please focus on the positives out of this review.

Awesome job!  I liked the way you put the humiliation into so few words.  It was felt deeply though.  I could feel the humiliation being spewed forth by your descriptions.  I loved the part “smearing words like peanut butter on bread defiled by the jelly of condescend”  Awesome line, very well put.

The poem does read well aloud – which is a testament to your ability with words and rhythm.  Unfortunately, the tone is pontificating.  The theme is good; worthy of poetry.  I think it would be more palatable as satire, though (think Steven Colbert in the Colbert Report).

Great job.  This is a very compelling poem read aloud.  I cracked up a little at the ‘chum’-‘drum’ rhyme… I’m not sure that’s the tone you are going for.

Been a long time since I have given a 10 and only 2 for poetry though most likely because I am stingy, not because I have any great reviewing skills. :>)

Your use of line length to facilitate the read of this piece is brilliant. When I first started to read I tryed to figure out the pacing but within a couple of lines I just followed the path you put in place. Excellent and I recognize that it is common but not always done as well as this.

I appreciate the topic as well, though the venom you portray is valid in most every walk of life today.

By the way, please appreciate even further that I always first read through a piece without reading the comments so as not to be influenced in how the author wants me to view the work. So in this case, your work actually instructed better than the comments.

Well done!

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July 20, 2008

by Sweettouch

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
271	68.2% (132 votes)	26.3%

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43	F	Walsenburg, CO	December 02

Thank You.

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hmm i think it has to meny big words in it and that makes it hard to understand but i think ur trying to say people hurt each other to much in the world without any reason

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July 10, 2008

by Sweettouch

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271	68.2% (132 votes)	26.3%

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43	F	Walsenburg, CO	December 02

This is an exhaustive piece. Each line states the exact same thing over and over in different ways. It has the words necessary to exhaust the idea.

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This started out strong, with some good images and phrases. It fell apart, at least for me, at “Pecksniffian”,(yes, I know what it means), with all of the peanut butter and jelly talk. This piece deserves a better ending. “Condescend” should be “condescension”, I think. “Shame them becomes” doesn’t sound quite right. I would suggest reworking the second half of this poem. :)

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July 09, 2008

by Sweettouch

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271	68.2% (132 votes)	26.3%

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43	F	Walsenburg, CO	December 02

I disagee about the end and with all my writing I try to bring an analogy of something straight from the everyday – it is a technique that works quite well to bring home a point and sometimes what one woould consider better 10 others would consider awful. thank you for your imput but most of the others that have read it really like the end. – to each his own I suppose, Condescend.

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Very good. I really like the way this poem moves. It has a beat to it and flows well. The ending hammers home a strong message.

Although I had to look it up, I love the word ‘Pecksniffian’. I think this poem is a very good view into the corruptness of politics. The only thing that threw me was the line “to touch wash my shores”, it doesn’t really make sense to me to have both of those verbs back to back.

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July 08, 2008

by Sweettouch

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43	F	Walsenburg, CO	December 02

it is a term I use in several of my poems – “touch wash” I think it originates from the automatic car washes vs the touch washes by hand, At least I think that is where i saw it and I have since used it to portray the touch wash of the mind. I do claim poetic license on it and will continue to use it. Remeber I am not a poet that believes in being held to the conventional uses of anything and – I use that phrase along side my tearfish. Words I make up and use together because more than anything they have meaning to me and others have found an understanding in it. In that line however touch is acting more as an adjective or adverb.

July 08, 2008

by Amy152

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28	F	Glendale, AZ	December 03

Ah, makes much more sense now, thank you.

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I loved the way you put the words together.  Beautiful.  Poignant.  I am suddenly craving a big glass of ice cold milk also.:) Good work Keep writing.

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July 08, 2008

by Sweettouch

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
271	68.2% (132 votes)	26.3%

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43	F	Walsenburg, CO	December 02

Must be that peanut butter on bread lol

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