Poetry / gaze into life

Simple, effective, vivid.  I like the gentle interpretation of man’s best friend.  The simple nature of the animal, the acceptance, the unconditional love, makes us all wish we could be so peaceful with such things in this world.

There is really nothing I would change here.  You convey it wonderfully.

Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself.

-JW

The simplicity is so relaxing.
However, I think it would take the poem to the next level if you added a little more “age” to it.
This seems like a 6th grader could have written it.
A little complexity would work with this poem.

Super cute piece.  Thanks for some happiness among oodles of depressing poetry.
Title ideas?  Happiness unbound.  Tongue hanging out.  Nose up against mine.
I love the happiness in the piece. Joy.  Carelessness. Nice work.

man’s best friend, huh? In the 2nd stanza, why is tongue got a caps T? Typo, or am I missing some subtext here…? Anyway, I thought your poem was slightly laconic, but in a good way. It presented interesting imagery and ended briefly – something I think is good in a poem like this. It really makes me think of my dogs, which shows the honesty and sincerety that you employ in your writer’s voice. Well done

Not bad, but I would have liked you to string this out a bit more. Make it less obvious that it is a dog you are talking about. The images are nice and remind me of better times, but I think you should really detail your poems a bit more. This will help bring something more to your poem.

I liked this. It was simple but captured a real moment of intimacy with the dog and illustrated the depth of affection between you both. Perhaps you could change the last line of the second verse to “only you know why” I think it makes the dog sound more enigmatic and less dumb.

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July 01, 2008

by creed

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18	M	Australia	November 20

thanks, i shall change that line, and if i could use you words would that be ok?

August 25, 2008

by incredibledisc

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34	M	United Kingdom	January 06

Of course, not a problem

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i might have to go back and give you more criticism, but for just now, since it’s a dog or a puppy or the gimp in pulp fiction, you can give us a title. maybe something sympathetic, but cool like “My Puppy, But Whose Leash?”

sorry i just wanted to help out on the title part, let me know and i can give you more criticism or whatever

glad you’re writing and thinking and observing and posting

isai

I really like it, reminds me of our dog. What have you thought of calling it? A dog’s life. A dog of a time.

The lines in the first stanza conflict:  First the dog is staring at you, then he is staring into space.  If you want the dog to be doing both, you need a verse to connect these.

Otherwise, I thought it flowed well and drew the reader into the poem. I could see you with your dog.

A possible title might be “A Dog’s Life” or something to that effect.

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July 01, 2008

by creed

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18	M	Australia	November 20

thankz

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