Ha, so you noticed. Chase isn’t the one who pulls her under, which is how he gets to the other side so quickly. Never actually say he’s agile or swimming quickly, but that to Millie he’d made it quite far away and in a short time. The reason for this is as soon as he jumped in he began swimming under the water for a few feet, and surfaces when Millie is pulled back down by whatever is in the water. When she calls him a sneak, he assumes it’s because he made it to the other side first.
Children's / Millie Joe and the Redneck Fairy (Analysis)
Millie Joe opened her eyes and yawned trying to remember why today was special. Sunlight warmed the room, splashing pink across the surfaces of pink and purple furniture. Wait. Sunlight?
“It’s summer!”
She erupted out of her comforter doing a complicated stomp-dance to untwine it from her ankles. “It’s SUMMER!”
Finally free, she leaped from the bed, landing by her door and already fighting to pull the heavy door open. In the hall, laughing voices trickled down from the kitchen, overlapped by the sound of her barefeet slapping against the wood floor. Impatient feet spilled her onto her knees just as she entered the breakfast nook.
At the table drinking coffee sat her mother and her old friend Vivian, whom Millie had known for as long as she could remember. Both women stopped talking when Millie Joe thudded to the floor. She giggled, embarrassed. “It’s summer!”
Mother and Vivian spoke at the same time.
“Good to see you, too. Millie.”
“Millie, you know better than to run in the house.”
Climbing to her feet, Millie managed to squeeze out ‘yes, ma’am’ before launching herself toward Vivian, trapping her in a happy hug.
“I missed you, Aunt Viv. Where’s-“
“Chase is out back, trying to catch one of your cats.” Vivian said, patting Millie on the arm.
“My cats? Oh, no!” She yelped, and turned to hurry out the screen door, but a firm grip on her sleeping shirt stopped her.
Her body was rotated and she came nose-to-nose with Mother, “B’fore you even think about going outside, you go on in ya room and change ‘em clothes.”
“But Momma-“
She stood back up and shook her head, “Uh-uh-uh. No buts. Now scoot Miss Millie Myer.”
“Yes, ma’am.”” She said, and took off to her room. The fourth and fifth drawer of her dresser were yanked forward, small hands probing the contents for a pair of shorts and a shirt. After grabbing a complete, yet mismatched, outfit, she wriggled into the clothes, impatience building so swiftly she couldn’t even sit to put on socks. Hopping through the house to the back door, the second sock slid over her foot and she ran, slowing only when her mother yelled at her. An old battered favorite pair of hand-me-down sneakers waited just inside the door. She even tie the laces before running outside.
“Chase Walcott, you leave those cats alone!” She yelled.
Chase sat under a tree, roughly petting her oldest cat, Ratcatcher, whose unfortunate width made him an easy catch. At the sound of her voice, the boy looked up guiltily, giving Ratcatcher his opportunity to escape. He watched the tubby black cat make his slow getaway, disappointment pursing his lips.
“Why don’t y’all just get dogs?” Chase asked when she was closer.
So they won’t run from you? Yeah, right. Millie thought.
“My dad’s allergic.” She said, simply.
“Oh.” His expression fell a little more. With his mom in the military, Chase couldn’t have pets. Too much trouble come moving time.
“Your other ones wouldn’t come down.” He said, glumly.
She looked up at the tree. Three reclining cats claimed three different branches. Cruiser, her gray. Bruiser, her white. And Bobcat, nicknamed Bob, for his yellow color and stripe patterns. They were as much her cats as wild animals can be, with the exception of Ratcatcher who’d been her uncles cat.
Shrugging, she said, “They’ll come down when they wanna. Wanna go to the swimmin’ hole?”
Chase’s eyes brightened, “Yeah!”
“Well, then, get up! Last one there wets the bed!” Off in a run before he even got to his knees, the bottom of her sneakers flashed behind her in the morning sun.
“No fair, Millie! I’m gonna tell!” he threatened, pumping his short little legs as fast as he could.
The glimmer of light reflecting off water twinkled, rising up on the other side of Snaggle Bailey’s low-slung fence.
“Nanny-nanny boo-boo! Chase, I beat you!” she taunted, and climbed over the rickety wood. Ten steps later, she was flying through the air off the end of a short dock, hands locked around her knees, mouth shouting, “Cannonball!”
While she sank into the cool, crisp water, she felt the whoosh of water from Chase’s jump split into waves of liquid wind around her back. Finally, she came up sputtering, slinging hair back from her face, and looked for Chase. He hadn’t surfaced, yet.
The water had faded into tiny ripples where he’d jumped in, so she waited, kicking her feet to keep her head up. Something grabbed her ankle and tugged her under. Automatically, she kicked out at it and floated back up to the surface. She spotted Chase the minute her eyes appeared above water and could open. He’d swum far and fast to the most shallow part of the pond. She grinned and closed the distance between them with little effort.
“You sneak! I’ll get you for that!”
He only laughed and shoved a wave in her direction, which promptly went up her nose. Quickly sucking in air, she inhaled the water, choking in surprise and making a dive for Chase. He easily moved away. Millie glowered at him and waded up the pond-floor with heavy shoes. The water was ankle deep when she heard rustling in the tall grass.
“Yeehaw!” A rusty, old voice cried, and Millie brought her head up from in time to see a big, angry grackle coming straight for her. The image shocked her, knocking her off-balance, and she fell backwards with a splash.
“Whoa, Loper! Stop, I can’t swim, dadgummit! You overgrown furcoat, I’ll-aww, heck!”
Millie narrowed her eyes, looking around. Where was that voice coming from?
The tall grass at the edge of the water parted, and a skinny, rough-looking jackrabbit appeared, skidding to a halt before his front paws hit the water. Powerful hind legs came up behind him with the sudden stop A small figure flew off his back, squirming and yellow, flying straight for her face. She was too surprised to move any body part other than her jaw.
KERPLUD. The little creature smacked into her forehead and groaned. Her face tilted up, trying to determine what had just happened. In the process, it kept the thing from sliding off.
“You gon’ sit there stuck on goofy, or you gon’ help me down?”
She moved her head to the left, catching Chase’s face, mouth open and eyes wide. Furrowing her brow, she heard the grumpy voice say, “Oh, now you gone and done it.”, then felt it lose it’s grip on her forehead and splash into the water.
Bravely, she looked down, jaw creeping open even wider. It was a tiny…man! Her hand scooped him out of the water and brought him up eye-level. He stood, maybe five inches tall, at most. Chaps made Millie Joe snort-giggle when she realized they were made out of mesquite beans. Wearing a long sleeve shirt and vest, she wondered briefly where his cowboy hat was. His skin was dark gold, and when he jerked his face up to fix Millie with a surly glare, she noticed enormous mahogany eyes settled in dark gold skin. The little man shook out his ears and feathered shiny black hair roughly with his fingers. Looking up at her, his eyes narrowed.
“Well, it’s about dang time.”
Ignoring his agitation, she asked, “What are you? A gnome?”
“A gnome? Ha!” he retorted indignantly, “They wish! No, I’m a member of the weefolk, what you-uns, in your infinite wisdom, call fairies. But don’t you be calling m that, ya hear?” He said sternly, waving a miniature finger at her.
“Hey, Millie, lemme see!” Chase pestered, coming closer. Millie Joe’s arm shot out and knocked him over. Water showed down on the fair-er…weefolk- in her hand, causing him to shake himself out, again. He scowled at her every minute.
“Aren’t fai-aren’t weefolk s’posed to have wings?” she asked.
“That’s none of your business. Now, put me back on my mount so’s I can get to getting’.’
Millie Joe stared at him, confused. “Mount?”
“He means that mangy rabbit over there,” The words were spoken right next to her cheek, and she followed the sound with her eyes.
“Ooh, itsa ‘nother one!” Chase murmured, scooting closer to Millie.
“Wow! You really are a fairy! You’re pretty!” she said, forgetting the small redneck fairy in her hand, who, at the moment, was shaking his fist at her. The female’s skin was the color of red Texas clay, and her hair shone like cornsilk. On her back, wings glistened a light see-through yellow, like the sun piercing a cloud. At first, Millie thought something was wrong with her legs, or that she only had one. Her legs were together, like a mermaid. When she landed on her knee, Millie understood. The female twisted, pulling an ankle-length tight skirt up to her hips where it rested in layers so she could move freely in her tan-colored pants.
“We are not called fairies!”
The angry voice brought her attention back to the man standing in her palm. “Well, what are your names, then?”
“I’m Sunny.” The female said, “And this is-“
“I am Charlie.” The male interrupted.
“What are your names?” Sunny asked, apparently quite used to Charlie’s abruptness.
“Millie Joe,” Chase pointed to her, then himself, “and I’m Chase. Can I ask you a question?”
Sunny nodded, an amused smile hanging about the corners of her mouth.
“Why’s Charlie so mean?”
“Cuz he was raised in a rabbit hole.” Sunny said, drily.
“Well, how ‘bout you take a flying leap off the back of a rabbit and see how hot you feel!” The feisty little man snapped.
“Why doesn’t he have wings?” Millie asked, deciding she’d get a better answer out of Sunny than Charlie.
The female hesitated, saying only, “We’re not always born with wings.”
Her comment earned only a ‘hmmph’ from Charlie.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
intimate_le reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 100 word review has not been unlocked.
starla77 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 186 word review has not been unlocked.
carolarocks reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 84 word review has not been unlocked.
JAs_jumper_cable reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I must start off by saying this story is very cute, and that I’m really enjoying it! I believe you’ve done well to capture a younger audience, as well as the lives of these characters as they have developed well in my mind. There are a lot of things about this story as well that are new to me and have me hooked/ wanting to read the rest.
I’ve actually never read a piece with southern characters/ a southern terminology and dialog theme, which in itself is a new experience that compels me to read and learn a bit about it. Another thing is this wonderful cliff-hanger you’ve created. At the end of this part 1 I’m itching to know more about these little people and and already know enough to have picked a favorite character.
I didn’t see much along the lines of weakness in the plot and character development ext. I have a good image painted into my mind, and would say that the behaviors and all things exempt grammar are in fact very strong in this piece of work.
- add/view comments (0)
Howard_Bushart reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I read your author’s notes and I will not comment specifically on grammatical errors, etc. as long as you know you have them and they should be fixed before you submit this to an acquisitions editor or agent. That said, they are not fatal to the overall story which is a really nice little romp I think. Even the title is engaging.
The piece is evocative and even paced. I like Millie’s enthusiasm for summer (which you should never present in all caps for any reason) and the dialogue is easy, easy to follow and never strained. I also like the fact that even if this is a children’s piece, it does not affect a tone that is patronizing nor does it talk down to its audience. That’s a good thing. The characters are fairly well-developed for this point in the narrative and I have no problems with plot or action until we get to the swimming hole.
Here we see Chase, slow, short-legged Chase, who is now agile in the water. This pulled me up a bit and seemed contradictory. I had to read again to see who was moving “easily” away, etc.. Then, there is the “Yeehaw” and whereas the story from this point is both engaging and funny, it is also the most disorienting. I’m still wondering if it was the grackle who hollered and before I’ve figured that out, here comes a rabbit and dialogue and I’m wondering if I’m dealing with talking animals. Of course, I figured that all out and it’s not a big flaw but it did interrupt the flow of your narration.
All the characters are engaging and the installment ends with a satisfactory cliffhanger that will entice the reader to continue. I can imagine reading it to children. I’ll bet they laugh aloud. Good job.
VioletL reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Not at all bad. I would like to read more, but wouldn’t fight for the privilege. The names are fairly distinct from one another, with Charlie and Chase being a bit close. I don’t think the names are at all silly. Depending on where this is going, they could be a bit more unusual, sounding an awful lot like kids’ names. Found the tight skirt part pretty confusing. With the cats being afraid of Chase, I thought he was going to be a dog and the name increased that feeling so I was mildly surprised when he was a child. The wetting the bed bit is funny and would appeal to kids. The beginning doesn’t transition well to a fairy (whoops, weefolk tale). I’m not sure why the getting out of bed, why the talking with the grown-ups, etc. I would think that starting at the middle would be more effective in terms of grabbing the reader. Hope I catch the next version.
FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
As a kids story I like…it starts off like more summer adventures stories usually do. Using a guy fairy is something different and I liked you created your own name for them instead of using fairies. It makes the story more original. I believe there’s more of a story of how he can get his wings and that kept me kind of interested. Overall it’s okay for the kids….just make sure you try to make the plot full of twist or even a little dark. Something different
Nerdtough reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I thought this was great. I think I’d almost be hesitant to call this children’s literature. It was very mature, both in its symbolism and content. I really hope you take this somewhere (and I get to read it when it gets there). I’m currently introducing my nine-year old sister to this site, and I’m going to have her read this piece and see what she thinks. I think the one thing I could use a little more of is dialogue. I want to see a little more of that red-neck dialect come through – I think it would add more to the general feel and flow of the piece, especially considering how descriptive you are. In any event, awesome! well done!
IntenseTigerGirl reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
“She even tie the laces before running outside.” This line needs work.
Other than that one line, I say this is amazing. Nice, clean read.
I do want to read more of this. Nice beginning!
rajah reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
WOW! I’m hooked. I certainly would like to read more. I’m an adult a couple of times over but you darn near had me believing in fai…... I mean weefolk. As you requested, I’m ignoring any repetitions or grammar mistakes. There may be some, but I was so engrossed in the story that I didn’t notice.
Stating the characters’ last names within their conversations is a refreshing way to give them more depth and personality. I’d have to say you have a wonderful way of letting the characters themselves tell the story. YOU didn’t tell me they were in the South – their grammer did.
So to answer your pointed questions : YES it’s interesting and YES it continued to command my attention. The strong points are already stated above. The only weak point that comes instantly to mind was the sentence – “Chaps made Millie Joe snort-giggle when she realized they were made out of mesquite beans.” I had to read it a couple of times to grasp the meaning.
The story has a nice flow and is broken into easy to follow dialogue. It’s simple enough for an older child to read, but not so simple as to turn off a teenager or adult. No matter what our age, we would all like to believe in fairies. You’ve convinced ME.
So to answer your pointed questions : YES it’s interesting and YES it continued to command my attention. The strong points are already stated above. The only weak point that comes instantly to mind was the sentence – “Chaps made Millie Joe snort-giggle when she realized they were made out of mesquite beans.” I had to read it a couple of times to grasp the meaning.
Showing 1 - 10 of 10
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Anonymous
| Age: | 26 |
|---|---|
| Loc: | United States |
| Gen: | ? |
| Last Login: | ? |
Item Stats
GENERAL
10 Reviews 9 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 2 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 8 Times
Ratings & Rankings
