Quotes / society (Analysis)

First off, if you want people to take the quote seriously, it needs some punctuation, capitalization, etc.  Following the rules of grammar is important, and in order to break the rules artfully you must prove that you know them.

For example, the way you have the sentence set up, what it says (not necessarily what you mean) is that the “flesh of Jesus Christ” tears through the surface of your heart.

For it to say what you mean it to say, it would have to be set up as thus:

“This thorn of society tears through the surface of my heart like the cat ‘o nine tails, as it tore through the flesh of Jesus Christ on his day of judgment.”

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September 10, 2008

by Jimeth

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This is an excellent suggestion.

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i understand your pain.  society causes a lot of it.  it seems like you’re comparing yourself to christ more here than you are comparing society to the cat o’ nine…

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August 18, 2008

by nettieoneg

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i don’t think a reader is ever “wrong”.  Much like a painting, words are meant to be open to interpretation. I also disagree with your statement about being accepted because i believe that you should not live you life based on others expectations… but this is the great thing about art, we can disagree and still be civil :)

August 16, 2008

by bigstef211177

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i am sorry ur wrong i am comparing the pain that society causes to the pain the jesus christ held on his shoulder the pain and suffering of an entire world. because in todays society if ur not excepted ur nothing just like he was at least to them he was nothing

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I realy like the word “tears”. it sends a real sensation into a sensative part of myself. “suface” is a realy good word too, the surface is often the most painfull part of an injury and i realy think it adds to the effect. The end part of the qoute about jesus brings it all into perspective and realy gives the qoute meaning. It stops being emo, and kinda turns into a reflection of the way the bible percieves the world as a pitfall. It seems a little… i dont know, drawn out? i think those are the words im looking for. Overall i think its a great qoute, its something i would put on my myspace lol.

The sentiment is great; however, this seems more like a stanza in a poem than a quotation. And is there a reason “kat” is spelled with a “k” rather than a “c”?

And I’m not sure about the connection between the cat o’ nine tails and Jesus Christ’s flesh, either. Are you saying that your heart feels like the scourged flesh of Christ? Because if so, then the connection to Judgment Day is jarring.

You have a good start. Keep writing!

Well, capitalize ‘This’ at the beginning, put a comma after ‘heart’, spell ‘cat’ correctly unless it’s something I don’t understand, and put a period at the end.

Awesome! It’s hard hitting and on the money. I feel where this is coming from. Nicely put.  

The larger the crowd we mingle with, the more likely we are to allow our peer’s vices to impose upon our own. They are imprinted on the soft minds of those who exist in and throughout the social networks of this defunct social construct. It is too corrupt and immoral. It bears down with the weight of a thousand slanted governments, leaving the individual with no tangible guard against the majority of this construct but ones own mind. This is of little defense for those who have been raised and fostered by the very thing that is crashing down on them. Crumple zones, being almost non-existent, much like a car built from an unsophisticated design and era, always break- they break in certain devastation. So as the lack of good design also exists in the society today, it too must end in complete destruction. Ignorance is delegated through the conduit of this broken society, the conductors being those who have been lead to believe everything that has been presented through those who delegate the social norms. Which, in turn, creates something that can be compared to a cult following, making people believe that to be an individual, you must be synonymous with the majority. To defect from this general way of thinking is to live a life of hardship and persecution.

Interesting punctuation.  Very ee cummings, at least that was my first thought until reading about the cat o’ nine tails.  Which is the correct spelling, not sure why it was spelled with a K as it made me think of a foreign exchange student back in High School that went by the name Kat.  Again, the last time I checked, JC’s name was capitalized.  But now let’s get into the meat of your quote as so far as my review:

Society is a thorn pricking, piercing, slicing through your heart.  I’d like a bit more insight as to why.  Modern society? Or just society and civilization in general? Would it matter if it were a century ago or ten years from now?  Again, I understand the idea of comparing the passion of JC to the pain that society brings upon you, but again, I’m looking for motive here.  It does so, but why, the analogy doesn’t quite work here because I don’t think it’s real obvious as to exactly what you are getting at.  It’s an interesting premise nonetheless, and I’d like to see what you do with it as this bit morphs in future revisions.

hi there,

is society that bad?..to compare to jesus….maybe you should compare it to someone, or something else…just my opinion….jim