Poetry / Letter To My Unborn (Analysis)

Dear Kid.
I just pray you have your mother’s eyes.
And you take life at your father’s pace.
I promise you though; there will never be any goodbyes.
Just so longs and see you laters.
Your first day of school, your mother will cry.
I’ll shed a tear when I watch you on stage at the Christmas plays.
The love I’ll have for you will never die.
Late at night I’ll go in your room just to watch you sleep.
sigh smile and take a deep breath “It’s a little me.”
And yes you were a choice I made; you’ll never be an accident to me.
I was willing to quit my ways just to see your mothers face everyday.
I knew it was real. It gave me chills. I knew it was undying love that I feel.
She was everything I wanted with you to top it off.
Family started at 19.
It’s going to be a great feeling with you and your mother standing by my side.
Your mom is my Marilyn Monroe and I’m her James Dean.
That’s how life was meant to be.

There is no in the event of my demise, I’m going to be here no matter what the case.

Love, Your Father.

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anarchy909 avatar General Stranger

July 27, 2008

anarchy909

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anarchy909 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

asdasd

bear4 avatar General Stranger

July 22, 2008

bear4

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bear4 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

A very endearing poem and sentiment. If I would recommend anything it is more specificity in your imagery and metaphor. As it is now it could be a Hallmark card. make it so only one voice in all the cosmos could carry this piece and you’ll have something everyone will relate to. Go figure. Good luck. Keep writing!

August_Winters avatar General Stranger

July 16, 2008

August_Winters

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
August_Winters reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I really REALLY liked this. It’s a letter any lil one would love to get from their father.  My fav part was “your mom is my Marilyn Monroe and I’m her James Dean.” Beautiful this was..

Russell_Parkway avatar General Stranger

July 12, 2008

Russell_Parkway Prolific-icon-medium

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Russell_Parkway reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This was very touching. I can’t help but wonder if you were referring to YOUR unborn child. It reads very easy, cannot find anything wrong with it. Good luck with it.

ch avatar General Stranger

July 06, 2008

ch Prolific-icon-medium

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wise2owls avatar General Friend

June 30, 2008

wise2owls

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wise2owls reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This poetry is from a Father waiting to see his little one and become a Daddy.  ”Letter To My Unborn” is a wonderful way of telling that bundle of joy he/she is welcome in this world. The description you give of the love for this child`s mom and how much you will care for this baby is great.  This shows a depth of feeling that is quite powerful.  Thank you.

darkwriter avatar General Friend

June 28, 2008

darkwriter

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darkwriter reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

What an absolutely beautiful piece.  Wow you sum up how it is to have a child, and exactly how you feel.  You made me cry.  This is by far going on my favs.  Please please try and publish this.  I love how you go through different events and the reactions of you and your girl to each event.  Awesome job.

MarkFolse avatar General Stranger

June 28, 2008

MarkFolse

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MarkFolse reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I really like this. A lot of image detail to express your feelings, and the narrative twist of “I was willing to quite my ways just to see your mother’s face everyday”.  It seems to run off the track at Marilyn Monroe and James Dean. Is that another poem, or are you trying to leave this message to your infant son what it’s like to be young and in love? I’m not clear on that, but otherwise I like this a lot.

richardlynn51 avatar General Stranger

June 27, 2008

richardlynn51

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richardlynn51 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Great letter to a child..a pledge with deep emotion.The last line confuses me “there is no   in the event   of my demise” /// Thanks  

cooljim102055 avatar General Stranger

June 26, 2008

cooljim102055

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cooljim102055 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

hi there,

very good..for you and tupac…i hope your next one will be just you, which i am sure you have the talent to, and will….:)..later,jim

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LVJay3 avatar

LVJay3

Age: 22
Loc: LA, CA
Gen: M
Last Login: November 09
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