Poetry / Kept (Analysis)

She’s kept,
not free,
under survellience, under me.
Left to her own device,
unsafe.
Left to wander – not while with me.
She’s a liar,
because she’s female.
Born to be kept,
because she needs to be.
She’s is not forced.
She’s knows what’s best.
She’s got it good.
Why should she struggle?
She’s is not bound,
but would probably like it,
not left alone,
like many others,
roaming loose without their keepers,
loving men who let them be.
MAKS~3/18/08

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

July 21, 2008

chrisard21

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	0.0% (3 votes)	100.0%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
30	M	Chalmette, LA	July 22

chrisard21 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Need to correct grammar. While understandable, I think it takes a little extra effort. It was decent, but I didn’t enjoy it.

add/view comments (0)

July 21, 2008

DefectiveBrilliance

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	66.7% (3 votes)	0.0%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	M	United States	July 31

DefectiveBrilliance reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I like this one better than the last one, although I must say that the grammatical errors were very distracting “She’s knows what’s best”. Also, you need to learn to minimize word usage. Instead of saying “Left to wander – not while with me.”, say “not with me”.
I’m sure many females would be enraged by this, but it is true. Women like to feel kept. They like to feel secure and protected, which is precisely why I am a failure at all relationships and by rights should be either gay or completely nonsexual.