Thank you for the read and review!
Blessed be~
)O(
db
Criticism / If You Really Think So
“I don’t need to follow the new elections!”
Says the man to the camera’s reflections.
Using his hands to broadly indicate his world of due
“My pastor will ask God who I should cast my ballot to.”
“That way I do not need to take responsibility,
For the decision of an error in probability.”
“Besides we can trust our leaders to make the right choice,
And elect a ‘good fellow’ with or without my voice.”
As I listen to this man, forfeit every right he has,
I realize he’s not alone in this, nor is he the last.
Ignorance is total bliss they say
As they try to prove it anyway.
The newscast is predictable with sensationalism to the extreme
Functionally illiterate high schools graduate the American dream.
Our motto is “Don’t worry, be happy” as we quadruple our national debt,
Lowering our own standards as our ethics are ignored and very seldom met.
Generations of ignorance is now coming of the age
Like a Mescal tequila worm, madness is on the rage.
We have smart bombs, that only kill bad people now,
It makes us feel good to watch as they die in joust.
The dumbing of America is only the beginning of what they want
Global warming not a concern for the Armageddon will be what is sought.
What to do, what to do, slow this chaotic anarchy down.
Banning weapons of war and mass destruction would help no doubt.
Technology’s information highway, today’s cyber space
Becomes our icon before our downfall as the human race.
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition, God’s on our side,
If you really think so, it’s time to kiss your ass good-bye.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
KatieL reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
Very, very good! Well written. I love the way you formatted the first two stanzas. Excellent and thought provoking! poem. :)
- add/view comments (0)
DCAllen reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
An excellent summing up of the problem we ALL are facing. And it’s commendable that this poem speaks about the larger issues of blind trust, the trend toward blissful stupidity, and ill-informed lazy Christian attitudes rather than which candidate can solve these problems.
smart bombs . . . bad people (Excellent line)
You don’t need a quotaion mark before Besides . . . : it’s the same person talking in the same stanza/section.
cognitivefusion reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I like what you are saying here, I mean I agree and understand completely. However, when you cling to a formalist approach such as this, you are really kind of painting yourself into a corner, because then you have an established meter and rhyme pattern that you are forced to adhere to. Here, this is good poetry, but at times it deviates from the meter and interrupts the flow in inappropriate places, ”. . .with or without my voice.” and ”..Armageddon is what is sought…” etc, that kind of trips the reader up. This could be a great little piece if it were tightened up a bit, and the diction would have to fit the rhythm of the words. That is the problem with formalist vs. free form, you put too many constrictions on yourself. maybe try a version in free form and see what you get, compare the two, see which one is funner to write, and go from there. . .
snarfus reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
Not bad. Not particulary anything I haven’t heard from many other sources, but not bad. I especially like the “Mescal tequila worm”; that is some good imagery right there, as it really spices up the whole piece.
jadedpoet reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
‘Generations of ignorance are now coming of the age
Like a Mescal tequila worm, madness is on the rage.’
Hi there! Well, I adored this piece, its simplicity, directness and complete truisms entagled with such pointed honesty and realism. Excellently done! The above para is taken right from my mind with the truth actually sickening me, scaring me, for contained reality, the futuristic outcome. I think of this so often but have always lacked the nerve to be so pointed. You have pulled off and said so very much, so cleverly. You are a talent… me…
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
1 Review 0 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 5 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 1 Time
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
Versions
| Version 2 |
| Version 1 |