Thank you! But now you know the punch line! Please do read the whole thing. I will look forward to hearing your comments. This is my real family we’re talking about here.
Steve
Short Story / Waiting on the Boatman - Conclusion (Analysis)
Just as the sun touched the ridge of the hills across the lake Petey began to bark anxiously, frantically running back and forth between the water and me.
“PETEY!” I shouted. “What’s the matter with you?” Then I saw him, slowly making his way toward me from the far side of the lake, coming around the bend, gliding his wooden skiff into the golden path provided by the setting sun. At last the boatman had returned for me.
I found myself overwhelmed with a sinking feeling and a sense of emptiness and sadness, disappointed that even now in my final moments, Brett had not come to see me. I bowed my head as my chest convulsed and tears streamed out of my eyes. The greatest fear of my life had now become a reality. The truth was known. My son did not love me even enough to come see me in my final moments. It was more than I could bear. I fell to my knees and grieved for my loss, for the finality of it, for the certainty of it, for the realization that there would be no reconciliation after all.
As the boatman neared the shore he cut the power to the motor and then reached back and tilted the small outboard motor up out of the water. The wooden skiff glided silently up on the sand to about mid-hull where it slid to a stop. The boatman, whose face was now shadowed by the darkness, nodded his head to me in greeting, as if signaling to me that it was time. I stood from where I had been seated on my log playing my guitar. I pulled the strap over my head and then sat the guitar down in the sand, leaning it against the log. I bent down and picked up Petey.
I turned and took a long look around at the property. What a magnificent place this was. What a perfect place it had been to spend my last day, to say my last good-bye’s. I might have been content to stay there forever. I looked up the slope toward the house and said quietly, “You know, Petey, I never did get up there to look at the house.” Perhaps I would return to this place someday. Perhaps I would meet Connie and my children here again. “Next time we will go up there and have a big party,” I said to Petey. “Maybe Connie will bring all her kids too. They’ll probably be all grown up by then. Maybe there will be grandchildren. Won’t that be fun?”
After a long moment, I smiled and then bowed my head. A sense of complete peace and calm came over me, even in spite of my disappointment at not seeing Brett. Perhaps there was some other reason for his not coming. Perhaps God would reveal to me the answers to all my questions in the very near future.
“Are you ready to go home, Petey?” I asked. My faithful companion looked up at me with those big beautiful brown eyes and I could see that she was. “All right then.”
I walked out to the skiff and greeted the boatman, “Good evening.” I handed Petey toward him and he stood and took her from me. The boatman returned to his seat and then nodded again. Though I was closer to him now, his face was still hidden by the hood of a black sweatshirt pulled over the top of a baseball cap. I placed my hands on the bow of the boat and dug my heels in and gave a mighty shove to dislodge the boat from the sand. When it gave way I took two quick strides and then hoisted one knee up onto the bow and then pulled the rest of my body up onto the skiff. I slid down onto the bench facing backward toward the boatman. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to face backward to see where I had been, or if I wanted to face forward to see where I was going.
The boatman handed me Petey and then tilted the motor back down into the water. With a single yank on the starter cord, the motor coughed once and then fired up, a plume of blue smoke rising up from it. The boatman pushed the tiller handle on the motor to one side turning the boat in a semi-circle as we backed away from the shore. Then he shifted the gears into forward and pushed the tiller handle in the opposite direction, twisting the throttle grip slightly.
And so we began our journey.
As we pulled away from the shore I smiled as I thought back about the events of the day and the conversations I had had with my children and my wife. All in all, it had been a good day, I thought, even if there were some rough spots. It all seemed to work out well in the end. To think I had spent my entire life wondering and worrying about things and events and people and what the future might hold. And now, in my last moment I finally knew everything. I had seen all my outcomes. I had received all my answers, at least all that I was going to get. I smiled to myself and chuckled, “So, that’s how it all turned out. Hmm…”
“Did you say something?” the boatman asked.
A chill went down my spine and the smile disappeared from my face. The voice was unmistakable. My mind began to spin. How can this be? I don’t understand.
I leaned forward in my seat and looked deeply into the face of the boatman, still hidden by the shadows of his hood and the darkness of the night.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
When the boatman turned his head to one side I caught a glimpse of his face in the light. My pulse began to race. My breath came rapidly. I dropped to one knee and reached up with my free hand and yanked the hood off the head of the boatman and then pulled off his hat.
The face of my son Brett grinned back at me.
“What are you doing, Dad?” he said, the confusion apparent in his voice.
“Brett? Is that you?”
“Of course it’s me. Who did you think it was?”
I looked down at the deck of the skiff. Then I turned my head and looked back at the shore where my log had been. I saw the house standing at the top of the lot. My guitar remained leaning against the log on which I had been sitting. I turned back to Brett. “You’re the boatman?” I asked, now completely confused.
“The boatman?” he said. “What are you talking about?”
“I… I thought you weren’t coming,” I stammered.
“You thought I wasn’t coming?” he said. “I told you I had to go park my truck. I said I would be right back.”
“Park your truck?”
“Yeah, my truck,” Brett said. “I dropped you off at the emergency room. They came and got you and took you inside. I told you I had to go park my truck. I couldn’t just leave it there. They would have towed it off.”
“You left me here?”
“Yeah! Don’t you remember? I found you when I came over to your house this morning to show you my new boat. You were slumped over at your desk in your office. I thought you were dead! I picked you up and carried you out to my truck and then drove you over here to the hospital.”
“You brought me here? New boat? So, where have you been all day?”
“All day? I told you, Dad. I had to go park my truck. I’ve only been gone five minutes.”
“Five minutes?”
“Yeah! Five minutes. Why? How long did you think it was?”
“Five minutes,” I whispered. “I thought it had been all day.”
Brett leaned over and put his hand on my shoulder. “Are you all right, Dad? You don’t look so good.”
“Well, I think I’m not so good, actually.” I wrapped my hand over Brett’s forearm. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come, that I would never see you again.”
“I’m here now, Dad.” Brett sensed my worry and pulled me to his chest, hugging me tightly. “I’m going to stay right here with you, right to the very end. Don’t worry.”
“Oh, Brett, I’m so sorry,” I cried. “I’m sorry for every time I hurt you. For every time I yelled at you. For every time I doubted you. I’m sorry for everything I did that drove you away from me. I’m so, so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, Dad.”
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to find it in your heart to forgive me?”
“Yes, Dad. Of course I forgive you.”
“Do you know that I love you, Brett?”
“Yes, I know that.”
I closed my eyes, afraid to ask the next question. But, I couldn’t live without knowing the answer. I couldn’t die without knowing the answer. I inhaled deeply and then asked, “Do you love me, Brett?”
It seemed like a lifetime before he answered, although it was probably no more than a couple seconds. Finally, he pushed me away from his chest and held me by the shoulders so he could look me directly in the eye. “Yes, Dad. Of course I love you. I have always loved you. You’re my dad.”
With those words I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. I was free at last. Free from all the pain and anguish and guilt. Free and complete.
I sat back up on my bench and Brett returned to his bench. We sat facing each other for a long silent moment. Then I spoke. “I am honored that it would be you who would take me home. It was you who stayed with me through the darkest days of my life. I would never have made it without you, Brett. Thank you for being there for me then and thank you for being here for me now at this, the last day. The very last day.”
<<<>>>
At last, the sun sank behind the hills across the lake and disappeared from view. It left behind it a most magnificent canvas of light. Brilliant streaks of orange and purple and blue. I watched God’s concert of colors as they eventually faded to darkness, amazed at the brilliance and majesty of His artistry.
As the sky darkened a sense of lightness came over me. I felt more relaxed and at ease than I had ever felt before. I found myself in a state of absolute peace and serenity and bliss. I took a long look at the remnant of the sunset. I uttered my final words, “At last…” and then I lowered my head and fell into a deep and sound sleep.
<<<>>>
A moment later I was awakened by the sound of a different voice, one softer and more distinct, gentler and more tender. “What did you learn?” the boatman asked as we meandered our way slowly toward the spot where the sun had gone down on the hills across the lake. It was not Brett who spoke, but in his place the true boatman who had left me on the beach this morning.
“What? I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“What did you learn?” he repeated.
“Oh.” I paused for a moment before answering, reflecting on the events of the day. “I learned that my wife and my children – all of my children – love me and forgive me. I learned that I had worth and value, and that I could have even loved myself. I learned that I should have taken better care of myself.”
“What did you learn?” he asked one more time.
I chuckled at his persistence. “I learned that I should have shown my children the kind of love that I truly had for them. After all, that’s what it’s all about, right? Not just love, but unconditional love. It’s like Petey here. She’s all about love. That’s why I love her so much – because she first loved me.” I smiled at Petey and then looked up at the boatman. “I wish I had known that before.”
The boatman smiled gently and said, “I did tell you that, you know. You just weren’t listening. But then, who could tell you anything?”
THE END
Post Script
I mailed a copy of this story to each of my children on a Saturday morning. The next Monday morning, before his copy of the story had arrived I received a phone call from Greg. He told me that over the weekend he had finally hit bottom and was now ready to commit to going into rehab for his alcoholism. I drove to his house and spent the day talking with him. In the late afternoon his mother arrived and then we took Greg to the McDonald Center at Scripps Hospital and checked him into rehab. He will be there for three days of detoxification and then will enter their twenty-eight day substance abuse rehabilitation program. Greg has committed to changing his life, to getting that monkey off his back. He’s going to learn to make better choices. He’s going to learn to cut himself some slack.
Presumably the story had reached Brett that day because late that same night I received the following text message on my cell phone from Brett:
“I’m so proud of you. You finally figured it out and I know you figured it out because I’ve never told a soul I love you. I would have called but I didn’t want to wake the house.”
The next day I called Brett and said, “So, is it true? Do you love me?” Without hesitation he said, “Yes, it’s true. I love you.”
Thank you, Jesus!
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pell39 reviewed Version 1 -
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First off I’m glad it’s working out for your son. As for the writing, I think the narrative is pretty good but the dialgue is a bit stiff, it just feels uncomfortable and, honestly, false. It just doesn’t sound like real people talking.
I haven’t read your other submissions but I can’t say that I feel like I’ve missed something. Again the narrative is nice but the story just didn’t hold my interest.
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Sweettouch reviewed Version 1 -
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I must say that I made the mistake of starting at the end and now HAVE to go back and read each in sequence but that this was a very clear and easy to read piece that needs no changes. It pulls the reader in completely and touches the heart. I will be starting at the begging tomorrow. Thank You
mikeyb91 reviewed Version 1 -
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Not many people can tackle deep stories like this mostly becuase it’s really hard to capture emotions that you wrote about without ever experiencing them. What I found that was so awesome a great was that you knew what you were talking about becuase you could relate to your characters and write emotions that made sense! That’s where the great writers are in their writing.
Though I did not read the entire short story, I did read this conclusion, and it makes me want to go back and read the others. It was such a heart-warming ending! This being said, though, I was a little confused on the part where he is in the boat, sees his son, and then is with the boatman again. Is this some symbolism of the afterlife? At least that’s what I figured. That whole part kind-of confused me. You wrote with excellent descriptions though. It wasn’t one of those stories where you see a long paragraph pop up and you grunge because the writing is so stale and boring. You made paragraphs that are interesting to read and had great description in them. The story was not by any means boring whatsoever. I noticed a few grammatical mistakes, mostly with commas. Go back and edit it again and see if there are any places you may need a comma or had too many. Hmm…other than that I give the story a thumbs up and I believe it will be a great story if you get it published. I also think it would make a great motion picture. I don’t know, let’s see where it all heads.
Good luck to you and great job at writing :P
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