Um..his emotion is that “she’s just another lover” and can easily be replaced lol I plan on expanding these lyrics later.
Lyrics / Just another lover. (Analysis)
You’re no better than the others
you’re just another lover
in a hotel room round’ 4 am
Gotta leave soon
so you can be with him
I see you turning tricks
on the side of the street
that’s how you get your kicks
with everyone you meet
With those sad sad eyes
and long brown hair
it’s easy to get to
get lost in your stare
but
You’re no better than the others
you’re just another lover
in a hotel room round’ 4 am
Gotta leave soon
so you can be with him
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DarkHuntress reviewed Version 2 -
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Sabina reviewed Version 2 -
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You are right- it is a good start. My first question to you would be whose voice is speaking? The voice see the lover on the street and even though they are together the lover is “just another lover” but isn’t the voice just another lover too? Just to pay around with it, try getting rid of the pronouns and see how it sounds see if it makes the piece more defined.
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Robin55 reviewed Version 2 -
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This was a hard critique for me as I’m not a lyric writer myself, but I think this song could really say something about prostitution if it were tweaked a little and some more verses were written. I am not versed enough in song writing to know if you would need an agent or not, so I chose a score that reflected the fact that I wasn’t sure. I would like to see a revamped version of this song.
Interval reviewed Version 2 -
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I’m going to try and be as constructive as possible.
You’ve chosen a theme and a situation; that’s good. You’ve created a conflict: it seems that the protagonist harbours a resentment for the harsh reality of prostitution. However, you need to develop the conflict much further: you need to illustrate exactly how the protagonist’s emotions are affected by this situation through what he says. As it is, the internal monologue of the protagonist is far too vague.
You need to work on more colourful illustration of the situation through metaphor and imagery. You need your lyrics to be atypical and emotionally evocative.
Sandywolf reviewed Version 2 -
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Simply lovely, and an all too common situation nowadays. Very vicely written, do you know of a definite tune for the words?
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