how do you know it’s not the hallway the speaker has memorized? i know grapefruits grow on trees…but they sleep in a bed when you parallel the speaker being pulled from his own bed and doing the same thing to the grapefruit. and what punctuation errors? intentional. to replicate the disorientation and frustration of being awakened at such an ungodly hour. and it is a narrative poem, so there is supposed to be a lot of personification.
Poetry / poem.8 Awake! Awake!
Awake! Awake!
I knew summer was making its way
to my house because the mockingbird
was perched in the pine tree in my
backyard. He was on Eastern Standard
Time, but did not consider that as
he called me awake with his raw
melodies. I rolled my eyes from
the dark ceiling and aimed them
through the window pane at
the tree branch by branch looking
for his roost. Jealous that the sun
could continue to sleep through
such racket, I separate my body from
my bed and drop my feet to the floor,
following the hallway I have memorized
step by step. I fumble to unlatch the
back patio door and stumble into
the early morning grey sky watching
with amusement the events unfold
beneath it. I wrest a grapefruit
from its bed, not doubt shaking his
neighbors awake and frightening
his wife and children and crush
sleeping grass beneath my feet with
each deliberate step towards the
pine tree in the corner of the yard
that hides the mockingbird in its
fist and pretends nothing
is happening. But in the dark hew of
early summer morning my angry ears have
the advantage. With my grapefruit in
hand they reach into the bosom of
the pine tree and point to the perch from
where this rude minstrel shouts his
obnoxious and fragmentary song. I heave
the grapefruit. It crashes through
needles and branches and in the
calamity the balance of serenity and
silence is restored and I retrace my
steps to return my body to my bed,
unaware that there is a community of
grapefruits mourning the loss
of one of its own. I fall asleep and
wake again after the sun and think
nothing of it.
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GoreyGirl reviewed Version 1 -
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Lines 20 thru 29 were a bit hard to follow. Maybe a carefully place comma or period could fix this. As is it is the stumbling block of the poem. I couldn’t manage to grasp the images as a whole, only as the individual bits.
The rest of the imagery is superb. My favorite lines were the middle of line 7 following through to the beginning of line 20. Those were the images that resonated after I read. I hope to read further rewrites of this piece.
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GreenIguana reviewed Version 1 -
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It’s the path down the hallway that you have memorized step by step, not the hallway itself.
The sky watching the events sounds like it’s from a different poem. There is too much personification in this poem. It doesn’t fit the style of the poem which is a narrative in which you are the subject.
Grapefruits don’t grow in a bed.
You need to proofread and correct all the punctuation errors.
peter_sitkowski reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed this, the original beauty of the image of the Mockingbird, forever immortalised as an immage of serenity and the lead up to to that final stanza (or soon to be).
I think that once this poem is edited fully and each sentence is in its rightful place it will be a fantastic read.
Valencia_Rodallec reviewed Version 1 -
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“not doubt” should be “no doubt”, right?
“hew” should be “hue”, right?
why the grapefruit? the pine tree? the mockingbird?
antagonism, seems prevalent. Realising anger after the fact. Giving in to it and not realisng as it happens. He is on Eastern Standard Time, his mind is somewhere other thanyours. Differences between people, tolerance. But then I think of the title. Why awake, awake? could it be something else? Or is this in line with the waking to realise mistakes one is commiting? As always this is a thoughtful piece Mr. Wesley. More prose-style than most of your pieces.
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