but, finally the children speak… (“*“),
maybe, in the beginning i was the feminine God(ess)..??!! and then went on to say that “she”, Mother Nature”, had had enough!
Poetry / Mother's Wrath... revised #2
Mother’s Wrath
“Come my children, come and see
all that I have created and give to you freely.
But one small thing I ask; use these gifts I give, wisely.”
Daily we gave thanks
for the splendor at our feet
took only what was needed
for our families to eat.
Took not a thing for granted
the rising moon, nor setting sun
season’s change we celebrated
when the earth was young.
Then, a growing arrogance
when we no longer thought
to pause and offer thanks
for all that she had wrought.
“Take heed, my children. Be careful what you do
in complete disrespect for all that I have given you.
Your thoughtless ways do pierce my heart completely through.”
We did not heed the warning
for it is pleasure which we seek
in things we take at any cost
to makes our lives complete.
“Come! Look!... See what you have done?
With lust and greed and filth, you dim the rising sun.
Hear me now, for this is certain; soon, my wrath will come!
Steadily her anger grew,
as patience slowly waned,
unleashing Mother Nature’s fury
As she had ordained;
Volcanoes spew forth in disgust,
clouds of ash to carry our fears
hurricanes howl in discontent
as heaven cries acid tears.
With feigned ignorance we plead,
in anger, shake our fists,
Why should tens of thousands die?
What have we done to deserve this?
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haggiez reviewed Version 1 -
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sagittarius1212 reviewed Version 1 -
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EXCELLENT POEM!!! I think this poem is great. i have often wanted to write about the terrible things we as humans perpetuate on this planet and I do not think I could have ever done this good a job. Please forgive me that I do not have any constructive criticism.
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Perfectlyflawed reviewed Version 1 -
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I am not a pro when giving advise, however I will say I enjoyed reading this poem. I liked how it felt like a story. It flowed very well together, especailly the parts where the mom spoke. Good work!
mommiehoneycomb reviewed Version 1 -
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the rhythm was pretty cool. liked the metaphors and almost church vibe of it. however wasn’t sure of the point you were trying to convery. you were speaking as mother nature in the first stanza however your last lines ended as her confused children because you asked what have we done to deserve this when you made many references to the answer throught out the poem.
titanicbrittanic reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a great allusion to mother nature and the toll modern man is putting on the world.
I can’t help but to notice that you use commas in the last two stanzas but not the first two. Any reason for this? Otherwise, presentation is fine.
I can feel the anger of mother nature and the unruly behavior of her ‘children’ aka humanity. I am glad to see emotion in a poem rather than something dry (like that peanut left under the couch too long? LOL) It is also very attractive to have two rhetorical questions at the end of this particular piece.
I have nothing truly ‘constructive’ to say, other than the comma remark. Sorry!
jessrod87 reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow I would say that’s really poetic but that’s just the point isn’t it. It was really well written and had a lot of emotion. You were clear and to the point without ever being boring which is hard to do with some poetry. All around good job.
LogosPro reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this a lot. I write fictional novels so I don’t have any ‘criticism’ for you. I am a fan of poetry but I’ve only written a few poems in life period. I like Maya Angelou a lot. I think this poem is very well done. I would read more of your work based on this poem. I think it would be great to see this in print. I wish you well in your writing endeavors!
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