Short Story / Out of a Heart
“Momma? Where do babies come from?” little Timpani asked from where she sat on her momma’s lap looking into her deep, brown eyes.
Momma fussed a bit with her hair with one hand. A curler had begun to work loose and teased her brow at the slightest turn of her head. “What makes you ask that, hon.?”
“Jenny says that Tommy would’ve lived if he hadn’t baked so long in your tummy.” A surprised look flashed briefly across momma’s face as if someone had let out her deepest secret over Macy’s loud speakers! She was certain that her daughter was too young to understand what life and death was all about.
She gently lifted Timpani from her knee and set her down on the small school room chair in Timpani’s bedroom and turned slightly to face her. She gathered her blue, terry cloth robe at the knees and leaned in close to her, “Honey, Tommy just wasn’t ready yet. You see, some times when babies think that they are ready to be born their little bodies don’t agree with them.”
Timpani tilted her head slightly to one side. She mimicked the way her mother was sitting then she turned her attention back to momma with big, beautiful eyes that needed no words to speak on their own. Now, the spoke with a curiosity that was deeper than her own imagination. “Like the time daddy gave you that chili?” A wry grin began to sneak across momma’s mouth, but she tried to cover it with one hand as she spoke, “Timpani, honey, it’s more like momma’s body was ready to introduce Tommy to you that day in the hospital and Tommy was ready, but Tommy’s heart was not. It was just not working right.” Momma got that curly fastened tightly and she reached to hug her daughter warmly.
“Oh! So, my new brother died there, didn’t he?” Momma’s surprise registered clearly on her face this time and she hugged Timpani as if it were her own last day on earth. ”Yes, honey. Tommy died there in the hospital that day. Maybe some day God will give us another little brother for you.”
“Did Tommy go to live with grandma Jean? Grandma died down stairs on the old, soft chair, but she’s not there any more.” The words rolled off of Timpani’s small, round mouth as if she had many more questions behind them. ”Grandma Jean looked so tired that day! Will she come back and bring Tommy with her?”
A tear welled up in momma’s eye and slowly began to trek down her cheek. “No, they won’t be coming home, dear. They have a new job in Heaven and they’re helping out God now. Maybe some day they’ll become angels and give some love to someone who doesn’t get any love.”
Timpani reached up with one soft, little hand and wiped the tear from her mother’s cheek, “That’s o.k., momma! The eyes leak when the heart is full!”
Momma kissed her daughter’s hand that morning and pointed Timpani’s pudgy, little body towards the bath tub. “You go ahead and take your bath now. Momma’s gonna’ stay right here and watch you while she gets ready for the funeral.” Timpani carefully slide over the side of the tub and sat happily in the warm, shallow water. “You won’t need your angel today, mommy, because I love you enough for both of us!”
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‘a bit with her hair with one hand.’ This is awkward due to the ‘withs’. I’d suggest: ‘with her hair in one hand.’ or ‘over her hair with one hand.’
‘curler had worked loose, and now teased’ I believe would sound better
‘chair in Timpani’s bedroom, then turned slightly to face’ would balance the sentence
Be careful starting so many sentences with ‘She’. It can sound repetitive. Instead of ‘She gathered’, you could say:
Gathering her blue, terry cloth robe at the knees, she leaned in close,’
‘ready to be born, their little bodies’
When tilting her head, I think this paragraph would be smoother if you compounded it: ‘Mimicking her mother with a tilt of her head, Timpani focused on her with big, beautiful eyes and a curiosity that was deeper’ You could also let us know how old Tampani is here by saying: ‘deeper than her own insert age here imagination’.
You say the mother is fixing the curler, later she tries covering up a wry smile, then she gets the curl fixed and reaches out for a hug. If she pauses to cover the smile while messing with her hair you need to make that clear.
‘Now, she spoke..’
‘live with Grandma Jean?’ The Grandma should be capitalised if that’s part of her title. If Tampani said ‘and now she’s not there, anymore.’ I think it would illustrate the childs’ obersavtions and confusion a bit better.
‘slid over the side’
Overall, I adore the simplicity of this piece, the earnestness of the child, and the tenderness of this reassuring scene. I think it’s an interesting and tender insight into how a child learns about a fragile sibling who passed away at birth. I also like the way the child goes from being comforted by the mother to cheering up/comforting the mother. Sweetly done.
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Children say the damnedest things, don’t they?
Well, you did succeed. The story was very heartwarming. Any complaints or critique that I have is limited to small grammar mistakes and the fact that the third person narrator calls the Mom, Momma. If you are going to do that, it would probably work better if the story was narrated more through the eyes of Timpani.
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