Short Story / Nothing is Too Much Trouble (Analysis)

This is a cute snapshot.  I liked how the wife ended up understanding his motivation for doing something she perceived as so drastic.  I think you also did a good job of capturing the way each character felt.  However, the piece does need some polishing and fleshing out.

It’s a very sweet story, and you do a lot in the tiny space it occupies.  I love the way that you let the characters tell their own story, and how realistic it is.  You have some very nice descriptions here, too;  ”strange diligence” and “rooted to the couch” give us insight into the husband’s character and reinforce the main ideas in the story.  I do feel that the piece is too short to stand on its own.  You present this little scene well, but its a little scene.  The characters didn’t hook me, which was fine because I also didn’t have space to get bored.  You clearly have the ability to make them compelling, you’d just need more room to do it in.  

This is a concise meditation on the communication gap between men and women.  It’s a heartfelt piece of work containing characters with whom a large audience will relate.  So much is said here with so few words.  Great job.

Hmmm. You’ve got some nice descriptions. Using “rooted” to describe Hank was a nice play on the scene involving a tree. I didn’t really connect with the characters, perhaps because of the distance between them and the narrator. Have you ever considered writing this from Lena’s point of view instead? Your third paragraph especially seems to lend itself to that. We don’t really get much of Hank’s thoughts here, but we do have some of Lena’s.

waived – should be waved

Hank turned around and looked long into her sad eyes and replied – two verbs separated by ‘and’ is probably enough here. You could knock off ‘and replied’.

Did she really care about the tree? Why did he decide all of a sudden to chop it down? This piece brings up a lot of questions but not too many answers. Since it’s part of a larger work, that may be why.

This is an interesting short piece. Well written, flows well, is easy clear and easy to follow and with reallistic dialogue.  A good piece and I would turn the page at the end to follow the story.

You have captured the difference between men and women very well in such a few short paragraphs making your characters realistic and easy to identify with.

there seems to be a little bit missing though.  Before Lena changes her tune and says thank you we need to see some change in her expresion or some of her thoughts before she thanks him, otherwise it seems a bit sudden and therefore not real.  

Also, smiles sweetly, doesn’t sit so well here, it seems a little trite and uncomfortable.  Perhaps she was giving him a warm smile despite her damp eyes or something like that?

and in paragraph 3 waived should be waved.

These are just little things though, the whole was good.  Very good.

I liked this, because you educated me a bit on different ways to show character expressions. I like how you mentioned her would lowered his shoulders and etc. This is good short and was worth the read.

I really don’t know what to comment on this. I loved it. I could see and even feel the two arguing, and you could tell it was for so much more besides that apple tree. I loved it, especially the ending. It made me want to keep on reading.!